You and Me: The Fallen Ones

There are feelings that can't be defined using words. That no matter how hard you try to find its meaning, you'll end up not finding anything. The heart does feel something. The mind knows, yet it chooses to keep quiet for when it starts thinking, it will overshadow everything.

It is not clear if it is the heart or the mind that brought us here. By the looks of it, I guess it is the former. There is uncertainty, hence the term guess. And I can't presume, so I will let things happen without controlling them. There are no rules; however, expectations were laid out. Words were used, but our actions do not seem to understand these. We remind ourselves not to cross the line, but going beyond is our sweetest misdemeanor. Behaviors are open to misinterpretation and one wrong move may lead us to an awkward situation.
I know where to stand. It's a cold, dark place I'm familiar with. The only difference is that you visit me every now and then. You bring me life, but I still don't get to live. I should have not chosen this battle for whatever happens, in the end, I will be alone waving a white flag; and you will move on winning and smiling.

You can't blame me and I can't blame you too. I have wished for a life other than this, but this is what I got. You could have been that someone I have prayed for, but I do not own you.

Everything is wrong and I don't want to be right anymore. If being right means I have to go back to where I was before, then I'd rather be happy and wrong.

Priceless

It's time I stop being selfish. I was so unfair to only consider my feelings for you. I failed to realize that you might not even know I am going through this crazy phase. I held on so tight to your stares, to our daily exchange of chat messages, to that one-time walk with just the two of us.

Now that these things don't happen anymore, I am sad. I am angry at you because you act like you don't care at all. Maybe it's not what you want. Perhaps it's the normal you. Maybe that's just how things should be. But I want it in my own terms. Thus, I suffer. I feel cold. I feel empty.

I never wanted to fall for you. For some reason, I just felt it. Honestly, I didn't see it coming. But I just did and eventhough I tried so hard to run away, there's this force that pulls me back to you.

It would be nice to have my dream come to life. Yet, this will only be a dream unless you make it real. Hence, let me set you free. I will let you go now while I try to leave this fantasy.

Let me put a wall between us. I'll make it strong so that you won't be able to crash it down this time.

FOUR

FIRST. You have the right to get mad at me. You can say all the hurtful things you want to say for I admit I was wrong. I tried everything. I thought we’ll make it through. I thought I would be able to reciprocate what you’ve given me. What I did was terrible. I might have enjoyed some parts of it but that was all it. We can’t continue the journey together because what we had lacked the most important ingredient of all.

You were always there for me. You’ve been so patient and didn’t ask for anything back. I guess I just used you. I bruised you and broke you into pieces. I can’t do that anymore. You got so obsessed and I want to be freed. Hence, I turned my back without saying goodbye. I have to leave before the fire starts to burn me, us, and turn us into ashes.

SECOND. You made me feel those butterflies inside my tummy. You made me the happiest person on earth. I was in love. You held my hand so tight like you didn’t want to let go. We both felt the heat of the moment. I still wish it was all true. I made you feel special. You did the same for me. I thought it was love. I was sure it was. But somewhere in between, there’s this feeling that you’re just using me.

You left without saying anything, but then you came back. I can’t let things be the way they were. The times we weren’t together taught me to drive those butterflies away. Now, you need me but I can’t be with you anymore. I guess love fades or it wasn’t love after all.

THIRD. You know how to get me. Your eyes seem to say something. They stare at me like they want something. I can’t be sure though. I have the tendency to sensationalize my feelings and I don’t want this to happen between you and me. I admit that I’ve gone crazy. I enjoy talking to you. I don’t ever want to miss a day without you. But you know what? You just love the chase and I’m tired of following you around.

So instead of dreaming, I’ll just sit down and eat chocolates.

FOURTH. You’re such a flirt and I have to hold back. Tonight is when you arrived. I don’t know what tomorrow holds for us.