Breakup Playlist

You promised me forever
Though I know nothing stays ever
You laid out your plans
And talked about going to France.

You said our love’s stronger
Than all our problems put together
I was certain this is all true
Until one day you made me blue

Don’t talk about promises you can’t keep
Don’t say “love” when you only make me weep
Your face, your touch I should resist somehow
I could use a breakup playlist right now.

I promised to always be there
How could you forget I’m still here?
You needed attention more than my affection
“I love you too”, did I not mention?

We push and pull
Then we stumble and fall
You are the music playing in my ear
But a breakup playlist is what I want to hear.

Colors & Feelings

Blue is refreshing like the morning dew-
A constant reminder of a life anew.
Blue represents feelings and emotions too.
It's that sadness I feel when I'm not with you.

I wish I could color my world white,
But that's a bullet I have to bite.
Hence, I painted it gray and black;
Then I'll wait for you to come back.

Yet I'm sweet like orange for you;
It's one thing I don't usually do.
But you're sour and selfish though,
Which sets fire that no one can blow.

Your silly acts get me tickled pink;
One of the reasons why I'll sink.
You seem to have lost any feeling,
While I try to be caring and nurturing.

I can mention every color and hue
To put into words what I'm feeling
Hence, I wrote this ode for you
In memory of nothing.

Of Onions & Tears

You walk in and out of my thoughts;
I can’t stand the torture it gives me.
In the shadows we stay,
And that is my only reality.

But why would you just blankly stare
When I used to own your vision?
I am trying to keep it all in,
But like child I want to scream.

Some questions remain unanswered.
My fingers can’t count anymore.
Like your poor, tired, and sleepy eyes,
You heart wanders along the shore.

I can’t hold and keep you with me;
My hands aren’t capable of saving you.
Still, I don’t want to let you go,
For losing you means losing a part of me too.

I do not own you;
That’s why I live in fear.
I wish I can chop onions
Without shedding a tear.

You lead the way; I follow.
You push me away; I stay.
You give up; I do not give in.
You move on, I just can’t.

My Up-To-The-Minute Life Story

There are always two sides to every story. My story is a tragic one where the main character did not get his happy ending and die. Well, maybe not as pathetic as dying, but still heartbreaking.

While thinking of how things have been in the past, what happened was the sweetest escape from the normal route I always take. I didn't know that there will be an accident in the end. Truth is, I have been warned but I was too stubborn to take the advice. I enjoyed the moment chasing butterflies. The fire kept me warm, but the flame was too hot, I got burned.

I did not die. That's something I should be happy for. But to wake up each day thinking of you and the things we normally do is like suicide. How could the brain bring back memories you want to forget? How could it be so insensitive when it knows the heart is in pain? I am not good with handling emotions. If I were to trade my brain or heart for something else just to stop thinking of you, I would do it no matter what the cost is. Every song I listen to tells something about you and it's driving me mad.

There are so many questions I want to ask, but I bet I am no longer in the position to. The other end of the line is always silent, quiet and idle. Being ignored is one of the treatments I hate the most, but there's nothing I can do other than to pump up the volume of whatever music I listen to, to divert my attention. How could you be so fine when I wake up in the middle of my sleep every day? There are so many things I don't understand and all I can do is take things the way I see them.

Although I can't act like  everything's fine because they're not, I will try to live my life as if I wasn't hurt. 

This is my story. I'm still breathing and living. I hope you can tell me your story too. Let's unfold it. Happy or sad please let me know.

Priceless

It's time I stop being selfish. I was so unfair to only consider my feelings for you. I failed to realize that you might not even know I am going through this crazy phase. I held on so tight to your stares, to our daily exchange of chat messages, to that one-time walk with just the two of us.

Now that these things don't happen anymore, I am sad. I am angry at you because you act like you don't care at all. Maybe it's not what you want. Perhaps it's the normal you. Maybe that's just how things should be. But I want it in my own terms. Thus, I suffer. I feel cold. I feel empty.

I never wanted to fall for you. For some reason, I just felt it. Honestly, I didn't see it coming. But I just did and eventhough I tried so hard to run away, there's this force that pulls me back to you.

It would be nice to have my dream come to life. Yet, this will only be a dream unless you make it real. Hence, let me set you free. I will let you go now while I try to leave this fantasy.

Let me put a wall between us. I'll make it strong so that you won't be able to crash it down this time.

FOUR

FIRST. You have the right to get mad at me. You can say all the hurtful things you want to say for I admit I was wrong. I tried everything. I thought we’ll make it through. I thought I would be able to reciprocate what you’ve given me. What I did was terrible. I might have enjoyed some parts of it but that was all it. We can’t continue the journey together because what we had lacked the most important ingredient of all.

You were always there for me. You’ve been so patient and didn’t ask for anything back. I guess I just used you. I bruised you and broke you into pieces. I can’t do that anymore. You got so obsessed and I want to be freed. Hence, I turned my back without saying goodbye. I have to leave before the fire starts to burn me, us, and turn us into ashes.

SECOND. You made me feel those butterflies inside my tummy. You made me the happiest person on earth. I was in love. You held my hand so tight like you didn’t want to let go. We both felt the heat of the moment. I still wish it was all true. I made you feel special. You did the same for me. I thought it was love. I was sure it was. But somewhere in between, there’s this feeling that you’re just using me.

You left without saying anything, but then you came back. I can’t let things be the way they were. The times we weren’t together taught me to drive those butterflies away. Now, you need me but I can’t be with you anymore. I guess love fades or it wasn’t love after all.

THIRD. You know how to get me. Your eyes seem to say something. They stare at me like they want something. I can’t be sure though. I have the tendency to sensationalize my feelings and I don’t want this to happen between you and me. I admit that I’ve gone crazy. I enjoy talking to you. I don’t ever want to miss a day without you. But you know what? You just love the chase and I’m tired of following you around.

So instead of dreaming, I’ll just sit down and eat chocolates.

FOURTH. You’re such a flirt and I have to hold back. Tonight is when you arrived. I don’t know what tomorrow holds for us.

I Tend To Write Nonsense Stuff When I Can't Sleep

I should be sleeping now. It's 5 AM and I have planned on doing something at 9. But I can't. I can close my eyes but my weirdest, crazy mind would show me faces I don't want to see. It may sound funny but yeah, that includes your face. Your face still haunts me every now and then, yet unlike before, I no longer wake up in the middle of my sleep whenever thoughts of you would all of a sudden pop-up. I've overcome that part. And mind you, I don't think about you that much.

Since I've already fixed what I needed to fix with my phones and I've finished few chapters of the book that I'm currently reading which actually woke me up 'cause I'm almost near the end of it, I finally decided to look back at how I felt for you before. It was a heightened kind of feeling that even Elena's transformation to a vampire can't beat. There's this kind of sire bond that tied me to you actually. The kind that would never require any blood transfer to make it work.

First of all, I'm thankful for having known you. I wouldn't have experienced that wonderful feeling my friend often describes whenever she likes someone. Now, I can perfectly understand her and can relate to every sensation she would tell me. The excitement, the sugar rush, butterflies in the tummy, in cloud nine and whatever you call those things, I felt all of those. I guess the most honest way of putting it is that I felt how it is to be in love.

I dedicated one song just for you and I thank Jojo for releasing her mixtape because that's where I found it. I also made a playlist which I have already deleted by the way. I talked about you everyday and never got tired of doing so. I've got a little too close to you and I enjoyed every minute of our time together.

The worst part is, you don't know all of these things. But that can be the best part too. I just wish that I have guarded my feelings so well that you did not even for that short period of time realize how bizarre my actions were.

I liked you. A lot. It's true what they say that you never choose the person you would fall for. But it's pointless. I've suffered for what I've put myself into. It wasn't my fault though. I did not choose to feel that way. It just came my way. I brought you into my world and you didn't even know it. I tried to hold you too tight when you don't even see any hands holding you. I was consumed by what I felt and for that I am sorry.

It was truly an amazing journey. I felt all that I needed to feel. I was hurt and I have already forgiven myself for all I've been through. The mere fact that I can now talk about this openly is a good sign. It's a progress. It's a routine that would normally end when I put it into writing.

Everything will soon be over. Everything's going to change.

It's funny that the song currently playing is No Parade. It says, "And after all the noise I never heard our last goodbye/It was silent as a butterfly."

Love Life

This very moment is my favorite time of the day where my mind is at peace and my thoughts can skip, flow and run continuously without any interruption.

Few things I found out lately; although this might've been known before but I guess it's worth telling again is that you'll always get by with a little help from a friend. Life's ain't that difficult at all when you have friends who would jump into your crazy idea of singing out loud One Direction's song inside the office every single day, adjust their schedule just so you could eat with them, discuss work related issue like it's the only problem in the world that matters or laugh about just anything or anyone. It is indeed fun and it makes life worth living.

I was riding the jeepney earlier when I looked at the faces of the passengers. Some looked tired, others were sleepy while the rest are still awake with smiles on their faces. I belong to the last one I've mentioned. Then I asked myself how many times I've gone home stressed and grumpy just because of work.

We all go through the same routine everyday. We may have the same mood and same struggles but at the end of the day, we will always decide if we will let our emotions consume us or not. Today, I didn't. Today I fought the urge to give in. I turned around and owned my day.

I guess that's one way of loving life - letting the bad ones go and welcoming the good ones in!

Rain On Her Broken Heart

The bitching rain thinks that we enjoy listening to it as it pours down droplets of water while my twin sister shed her teardrops caused by her broken heart.

This isn’t the first time I saw her cry and whenever she does, for the same reason, I wouldn’t be the first one she would talk to. I am known for not being in a relationship since I was born. That makes me your unreliable source for brilliant breakup advice. They might have seen that I am very resistant when it comes to this scenario. All that I would utter is ‘move on’. That’s pretty simple, straight-forward, it may lack a little empathy in there because it has been used many times. But yes, that’s the only thing one should do after the fall.

It may be too difficult (because moving on from a lost iPod surely put me into a bad emotional state) but she’ll make it through. Just like the others who got their hearts broken. Just like the first time she fell in love and lost it.

We all need to feel pain. We all have to have our hearts broken and we have to learn how to survive. We can’t continue being in a miserable, unhealthy, sunken condition.

If you’ve been kicked, don’t crawl. It might hurt but you should learn to stand up.

Although I’ve never said lots of comforting words, I’ve tried to at least make her smile. That’s the best thing I could offer. I sometimes put my two cents in based on observation which I believe would somehow open up her mind to what’s real and what she needs to do.

It’s still raining, yet she’s no longer crying.  I have this notion that it sympathizes with the current mood that she has.

She will be fine.

U + I

You stared.

I melted.

You glanced.

I trembled.

You smirked.

I smiled.

You talked.

I stuttered.

You joked.

I laughed.

You’re too cute.

I like you.

I love you but

How bout you?

The End Where I Begin

You and I are like candles being burnt on both ends. We're glowing. You give light to me but before we know it, we've already melted and died. I felt a spark when I first saw you. I never thought that I will only feel it for awhile.

Soon I will forget you. You will be just another memory. You’re someone I want to keep but time would not let me do it. There’s no reason to hold on for no matter how strong my grip is, you would just slip away.

I am starting to make my world turn into its own axis like before. The impact when our stars collided might’ve made its mark, but there’s no reason left to make it known.

Every now and then, butterflies in my tummy flutter their wings whenever I think of the first time our eyes met. It happened not just once or twice. I was sure enough that from that moment, you will make my heart sing. Not knowing that the melody will soon fade away.

I will lose you forever but I still thank you for this feeling I am feeling.

Our story has not yet started for it has already ended.

Franco

You have a way of making me lose myself sometimes. Little things you say or do affect me. I wish I could see through you but that’s something difficult to do. There are a lot of walls in between us and until we break down all of those, we can finally say that what we have is real. It’s somewhat complicated. We might be on the same boat but the sea that we’re travelling doesn’t seem to allow us to sail together. We can walk on barefoot but we’ll surely step on broken glasses and thorns that will hurt us both. My heart beats the melody of love but can your heart accompany the song that I’m singing? We’re on a hide-and-seek game and I am not sure if you’re hiding from me or I just don’t know where to find you. We communicate but don’t understand each other.

For sure there will come a day when our minds will finally meet - that day when we won’t need to question ourselves because we already know the answer. I am somehow tired of how things are going on. I realized that I can’t continue running towards you because you might enjoy being chased around. Until then, I will just sit and wait for you to tell me everything you want to say. Don’t make me wait for too long though for everything might sink into nothingness.

Just come up to me. We can runaway and sail the seven-seas or walk on the road less travelled. I’ll wait until you could sing the song I’m singing, until you find me waiting for you in the corner.