My Up-To-The-Minute Life Story

There are always two sides to every story. My story is a tragic one where the main character did not get his happy ending and die. Well, maybe not as pathetic as dying, but still heartbreaking.

While thinking of how things have been in the past, what happened was the sweetest escape from the normal route I always take. I didn't know that there will be an accident in the end. Truth is, I have been warned but I was too stubborn to take the advice. I enjoyed the moment chasing butterflies. The fire kept me warm, but the flame was too hot, I got burned.

I did not die. That's something I should be happy for. But to wake up each day thinking of you and the things we normally do is like suicide. How could the brain bring back memories you want to forget? How could it be so insensitive when it knows the heart is in pain? I am not good with handling emotions. If I were to trade my brain or heart for something else just to stop thinking of you, I would do it no matter what the cost is. Every song I listen to tells something about you and it's driving me mad.

There are so many questions I want to ask, but I bet I am no longer in the position to. The other end of the line is always silent, quiet and idle. Being ignored is one of the treatments I hate the most, but there's nothing I can do other than to pump up the volume of whatever music I listen to, to divert my attention. How could you be so fine when I wake up in the middle of my sleep every day? There are so many things I don't understand and all I can do is take things the way I see them.

Although I can't act like  everything's fine because they're not, I will try to live my life as if I wasn't hurt. 

This is my story. I'm still breathing and living. I hope you can tell me your story too. Let's unfold it. Happy or sad please let me know.

Priceless

It's time I stop being selfish. I was so unfair to only consider my feelings for you. I failed to realize that you might not even know I am going through this crazy phase. I held on so tight to your stares, to our daily exchange of chat messages, to that one-time walk with just the two of us.

Now that these things don't happen anymore, I am sad. I am angry at you because you act like you don't care at all. Maybe it's not what you want. Perhaps it's the normal you. Maybe that's just how things should be. But I want it in my own terms. Thus, I suffer. I feel cold. I feel empty.

I never wanted to fall for you. For some reason, I just felt it. Honestly, I didn't see it coming. But I just did and eventhough I tried so hard to run away, there's this force that pulls me back to you.

It would be nice to have my dream come to life. Yet, this will only be a dream unless you make it real. Hence, let me set you free. I will let you go now while I try to leave this fantasy.

Let me put a wall between us. I'll make it strong so that you won't be able to crash it down this time.

Tuwing Umuulan

I'm staring at my window watching the rain fall. Today's one of those days that I fear going out of the house. I hate walking outside when it's wet. I don't like the sound of the pouring rain. I abhor the feeling that the rain gives me. It makes me lonely. It makes me travel far back and reminisce the days I was sad. One by one they steal every bit of happy thoughts I have. I would want to stop it if I could.

I am now feeling cold. I am alone. Until the rain stops, this feeling will never ever change.

Like a lost soul waiting for his lover in a cold, dark, stormy night, I stay still.

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I feel like an "artista" tonight.

Burnt Skin & Burnt Feelings

Burnt skin is what I got from diving into the sea water without a diver’s license sun block. I don’t have a problem with my complexion because it does go back to its normal color after a week or so. The problem is, it hurts – the price I have to pay for using a water-based lotion like I didn’t realize it the moment I used it!

Aside from the fact that my skin is hot to the touch, I am kind of having an emotional anxiety. I miss my loved ones. I miss the beach. I miss the new friends I met and I don’t know when we’ll see each other again. I miss everything that happened for the past three days. I am trying to live my life normally but I just can’t move on with the shoulda, woulda, couldas.

My life’s supposed to be perfect because I am free from work but other variables seem to haunt me. The sunny and almost-Holy-Week-kind-of-weather complement with my feelings.

This burn in my skin will continue to develop for 24 to 72 hours and skin peeling will follow in 3 to 8 days. I just pray that this loneliness will not last that long and peel itself soon. I can take this sun burn but not this desolation.

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I don't feel like paying another month for my Sun Broadband. Its connection has been very slow for almost a month now and it's pissing me off. There are lots of internet connections to choose from but I would appreciate any recommendations. Kthnxbye!