Breakup Playlist

You promised me forever
Though I know nothing stays ever
You laid out your plans
And talked about going to France.

You said our love’s stronger
Than all our problems put together
I was certain this is all true
Until one day you made me blue

Don’t talk about promises you can’t keep
Don’t say “love” when you only make me weep
Your face, your touch I should resist somehow
I could use a breakup playlist right now.

I promised to always be there
How could you forget I’m still here?
You needed attention more than my affection
“I love you too”, did I not mention?

We push and pull
Then we stumble and fall
You are the music playing in my ear
But a breakup playlist is what I want to hear.

This Doesn't Need A Title

Faster and faster my heart beats.
It doesn't stop like a song on repeat.
My mind thinks of you day and night.
They had me seated in an imaginary flight.

I stumble with just the thought of you.
Crazy is an understatement of what I do.
I could scream in town and ruin the view,
Do cartwheel and try something new.

You make me float on air though I can't fly.
My feelings erupt everytime you pass by.
Can you please just stay somewhere near?
Because I hate it when you disappear.

Make my heart beat
Let my mind think of you
I accept my defeat
Let me love no one but you.

Blue

It’s difficult to just even touch you.
Though I want to feel your skin,
I am not the right person to do so.

I move away when I want to stay,
Because even when we are together,
You do not belong to me.

It’s touch and go like how the waves kiss the shore.
We are together now,
Then apart by the count of four.

The sky can see us.
He knows what is happening.
He is just quiet,sad, and blue.

If it had been easy as giving you flowers,
I would have done that long ago.
Hence, all I can do is stare at your shadow.

It’s crazy because I feel blue too,
All the time I look at you.
The sky and I share emotions but not you.

Colors & Feelings

Blue is refreshing like the morning dew-
A constant reminder of a life anew.
Blue represents feelings and emotions too.
It's that sadness I feel when I'm not with you.

I wish I could color my world white,
But that's a bullet I have to bite.
Hence, I painted it gray and black;
Then I'll wait for you to come back.

Yet I'm sweet like orange for you;
It's one thing I don't usually do.
But you're sour and selfish though,
Which sets fire that no one can blow.

Your silly acts get me tickled pink;
One of the reasons why I'll sink.
You seem to have lost any feeling,
While I try to be caring and nurturing.

I can mention every color and hue
To put into words what I'm feeling
Hence, I wrote this ode for you
In memory of nothing.

Of Onions & Tears

You walk in and out of my thoughts;
I can’t stand the torture it gives me.
In the shadows we stay,
And that is my only reality.

But why would you just blankly stare
When I used to own your vision?
I am trying to keep it all in,
But like child I want to scream.

Some questions remain unanswered.
My fingers can’t count anymore.
Like your poor, tired, and sleepy eyes,
You heart wanders along the shore.

I can’t hold and keep you with me;
My hands aren’t capable of saving you.
Still, I don’t want to let you go,
For losing you means losing a part of me too.

I do not own you;
That’s why I live in fear.
I wish I can chop onions
Without shedding a tear.

You lead the way; I follow.
You push me away; I stay.
You give up; I do not give in.
You move on, I just can’t.

My Up-To-The-Minute Life Story

There are always two sides to every story. My story is a tragic one where the main character did not get his happy ending and die. Well, maybe not as pathetic as dying, but still heartbreaking.

While thinking of how things have been in the past, what happened was the sweetest escape from the normal route I always take. I didn't know that there will be an accident in the end. Truth is, I have been warned but I was too stubborn to take the advice. I enjoyed the moment chasing butterflies. The fire kept me warm, but the flame was too hot, I got burned.

I did not die. That's something I should be happy for. But to wake up each day thinking of you and the things we normally do is like suicide. How could the brain bring back memories you want to forget? How could it be so insensitive when it knows the heart is in pain? I am not good with handling emotions. If I were to trade my brain or heart for something else just to stop thinking of you, I would do it no matter what the cost is. Every song I listen to tells something about you and it's driving me mad.

There are so many questions I want to ask, but I bet I am no longer in the position to. The other end of the line is always silent, quiet and idle. Being ignored is one of the treatments I hate the most, but there's nothing I can do other than to pump up the volume of whatever music I listen to, to divert my attention. How could you be so fine when I wake up in the middle of my sleep every day? There are so many things I don't understand and all I can do is take things the way I see them.

Although I can't act like  everything's fine because they're not, I will try to live my life as if I wasn't hurt. 

This is my story. I'm still breathing and living. I hope you can tell me your story too. Let's unfold it. Happy or sad please let me know.

You and Me: The Fallen Ones

There are feelings that can't be defined using words. That no matter how hard you try to find its meaning, you'll end up not finding anything. The heart does feel something. The mind knows, yet it chooses to keep quiet for when it starts thinking, it will overshadow everything.

It is not clear if it is the heart or the mind that brought us here. By the looks of it, I guess it is the former. There is uncertainty, hence the term guess. And I can't presume, so I will let things happen without controlling them. There are no rules; however, expectations were laid out. Words were used, but our actions do not seem to understand these. We remind ourselves not to cross the line, but going beyond is our sweetest misdemeanor. Behaviors are open to misinterpretation and one wrong move may lead us to an awkward situation.
I know where to stand. It's a cold, dark place I'm familiar with. The only difference is that you visit me every now and then. You bring me life, but I still don't get to live. I should have not chosen this battle for whatever happens, in the end, I will be alone waving a white flag; and you will move on winning and smiling.

You can't blame me and I can't blame you too. I have wished for a life other than this, but this is what I got. You could have been that someone I have prayed for, but I do not own you.

Everything is wrong and I don't want to be right anymore. If being right means I have to go back to where I was before, then I'd rather be happy and wrong.

Priceless

It's time I stop being selfish. I was so unfair to only consider my feelings for you. I failed to realize that you might not even know I am going through this crazy phase. I held on so tight to your stares, to our daily exchange of chat messages, to that one-time walk with just the two of us.

Now that these things don't happen anymore, I am sad. I am angry at you because you act like you don't care at all. Maybe it's not what you want. Perhaps it's the normal you. Maybe that's just how things should be. But I want it in my own terms. Thus, I suffer. I feel cold. I feel empty.

I never wanted to fall for you. For some reason, I just felt it. Honestly, I didn't see it coming. But I just did and eventhough I tried so hard to run away, there's this force that pulls me back to you.

It would be nice to have my dream come to life. Yet, this will only be a dream unless you make it real. Hence, let me set you free. I will let you go now while I try to leave this fantasy.

Let me put a wall between us. I'll make it strong so that you won't be able to crash it down this time.

FOUR

FIRST. You have the right to get mad at me. You can say all the hurtful things you want to say for I admit I was wrong. I tried everything. I thought we’ll make it through. I thought I would be able to reciprocate what you’ve given me. What I did was terrible. I might have enjoyed some parts of it but that was all it. We can’t continue the journey together because what we had lacked the most important ingredient of all.

You were always there for me. You’ve been so patient and didn’t ask for anything back. I guess I just used you. I bruised you and broke you into pieces. I can’t do that anymore. You got so obsessed and I want to be freed. Hence, I turned my back without saying goodbye. I have to leave before the fire starts to burn me, us, and turn us into ashes.

SECOND. You made me feel those butterflies inside my tummy. You made me the happiest person on earth. I was in love. You held my hand so tight like you didn’t want to let go. We both felt the heat of the moment. I still wish it was all true. I made you feel special. You did the same for me. I thought it was love. I was sure it was. But somewhere in between, there’s this feeling that you’re just using me.

You left without saying anything, but then you came back. I can’t let things be the way they were. The times we weren’t together taught me to drive those butterflies away. Now, you need me but I can’t be with you anymore. I guess love fades or it wasn’t love after all.

THIRD. You know how to get me. Your eyes seem to say something. They stare at me like they want something. I can’t be sure though. I have the tendency to sensationalize my feelings and I don’t want this to happen between you and me. I admit that I’ve gone crazy. I enjoy talking to you. I don’t ever want to miss a day without you. But you know what? You just love the chase and I’m tired of following you around.

So instead of dreaming, I’ll just sit down and eat chocolates.

FOURTH. You’re such a flirt and I have to hold back. Tonight is when you arrived. I don’t know what tomorrow holds for us.

I Tend To Write Nonsense Stuff When I Can't Sleep

I should be sleeping now. It's 5 AM and I have planned on doing something at 9. But I can't. I can close my eyes but my weirdest, crazy mind would show me faces I don't want to see. It may sound funny but yeah, that includes your face. Your face still haunts me every now and then, yet unlike before, I no longer wake up in the middle of my sleep whenever thoughts of you would all of a sudden pop-up. I've overcome that part. And mind you, I don't think about you that much.

Since I've already fixed what I needed to fix with my phones and I've finished few chapters of the book that I'm currently reading which actually woke me up 'cause I'm almost near the end of it, I finally decided to look back at how I felt for you before. It was a heightened kind of feeling that even Elena's transformation to a vampire can't beat. There's this kind of sire bond that tied me to you actually. The kind that would never require any blood transfer to make it work.

First of all, I'm thankful for having known you. I wouldn't have experienced that wonderful feeling my friend often describes whenever she likes someone. Now, I can perfectly understand her and can relate to every sensation she would tell me. The excitement, the sugar rush, butterflies in the tummy, in cloud nine and whatever you call those things, I felt all of those. I guess the most honest way of putting it is that I felt how it is to be in love.

I dedicated one song just for you and I thank Jojo for releasing her mixtape because that's where I found it. I also made a playlist which I have already deleted by the way. I talked about you everyday and never got tired of doing so. I've got a little too close to you and I enjoyed every minute of our time together.

The worst part is, you don't know all of these things. But that can be the best part too. I just wish that I have guarded my feelings so well that you did not even for that short period of time realize how bizarre my actions were.

I liked you. A lot. It's true what they say that you never choose the person you would fall for. But it's pointless. I've suffered for what I've put myself into. It wasn't my fault though. I did not choose to feel that way. It just came my way. I brought you into my world and you didn't even know it. I tried to hold you too tight when you don't even see any hands holding you. I was consumed by what I felt and for that I am sorry.

It was truly an amazing journey. I felt all that I needed to feel. I was hurt and I have already forgiven myself for all I've been through. The mere fact that I can now talk about this openly is a good sign. It's a progress. It's a routine that would normally end when I put it into writing.

Everything will soon be over. Everything's going to change.

It's funny that the song currently playing is No Parade. It says, "And after all the noise I never heard our last goodbye/It was silent as a butterfly."

Drunken Day After Twilight & That Inspiring Homily To Get Through Another Monday

It’s Monday again and most of us are gonna be having this so-called Monday sickness. I don’t really want to hate Monday. It’s the start of the working week and I have to start it right. I think it’s laziness that should be blamed, not the day.

To motivate me, I’m going to start thinking of how I’ll be spending my weekend again.

Don’t get me started on how crazy this weekend was! It’s the craziest I guess. Four hours of sleep did not drain my energy, not until some important Twilightcharacters started dying. Whew! That was something I was expecting because I’ve read that they added a twist to the ending. I didn’t know that there was more to it than that. I don’t need to hear any anti-Twilight comments because obviously, they have nothing but hate. I just want to say from one of the greatest fans’ point of view that the saga gave us a jaw-dropping ending. I must admit I cried on the latter part of the film. My friend and I had so much memories together because of these books - from re-enacting the lines, haunting the bookstore that sells the newly released book and making our way through the long line of Twihards in every movie adaptation. Now, what is there to look forward to?

Well that ending called for a celebration. Me and my good friend who wants to drink when she’s not drinking went to this bar. Both of us were hesitant because it’s our first time there. It went pretty well though. I drank too much. I almost ordered everything on the menu (Jägermeister, Margarita, Screw Driver, Tequila Sunset, Paradise, Draft Beer and Flat Line) and I was still able to go home. The place is nice and they have awesome performers. I promise to go back and earlier today, I was about to. I went to church instead. This might be my place to hang out during Saturdays! We’ll see!

I’m getting good at spending my time attending mass during Sundays. I normally would want to hear mass in the morning because it maximizes my time but if it’s not possible, I do it in the afternoon. Earlier I guess was the latest I have attended and God’s Words hit me again as the priest said. “Give your best to life”. I’ve been too concerned with fear that I often end up second-guessing myself. That sucks because that hinders me from giving my very best.

You do good, people will talk about you. You do bad, they’ll do the same. Better do whatever you got to do and give your best. And you won’t regret a single thing.

I celebrated life this weekend. I want to do the same for the coming weekends or do it on a daily basis.

So how am I gonna be spending my November 24 ad 25? Aahh I want a massage. That’s all I can think of right now. I’m gonna make this week pass by like a gust of wind and get the massage I need.

Love Life

This very moment is my favorite time of the day where my mind is at peace and my thoughts can skip, flow and run continuously without any interruption.

Few things I found out lately; although this might've been known before but I guess it's worth telling again is that you'll always get by with a little help from a friend. Life's ain't that difficult at all when you have friends who would jump into your crazy idea of singing out loud One Direction's song inside the office every single day, adjust their schedule just so you could eat with them, discuss work related issue like it's the only problem in the world that matters or laugh about just anything or anyone. It is indeed fun and it makes life worth living.

I was riding the jeepney earlier when I looked at the faces of the passengers. Some looked tired, others were sleepy while the rest are still awake with smiles on their faces. I belong to the last one I've mentioned. Then I asked myself how many times I've gone home stressed and grumpy just because of work.

We all go through the same routine everyday. We may have the same mood and same struggles but at the end of the day, we will always decide if we will let our emotions consume us or not. Today, I didn't. Today I fought the urge to give in. I turned around and owned my day.

I guess that's one way of loving life - letting the bad ones go and welcoming the good ones in!

A Few Realizations

No matter what your job is, whether you like it or not, you will definitely get tired. The only difference is that if you love your job, even if you're tired, at the end of the day, you will still have that smile on your face. There's still fulfillment, joy and motivation.

Wherever you go, there will always be those who will try to bring you down, tear you up and break you into pieces. You just need to go along and pretend that they don't exist. People's insecurity is something that can't be cured easily. Sometimes it goes away and most of the time it joins its master to his grave.

To grow maturely, you need to be with the right kind of people, in the right place and at the right time. This does not happen most of the time. If in any case you're with the wrong ones, try to change them. If not, then leave them behind.

---------------------------------------------------
P.S.
I am just sooo exhausted right now but I have to carry on. I don't want to be a loser. I can't give up. Not now, not ever.

Capital H.I.M.

Sometimes we have to go through a lot of sufferings and struggles just so we could taste the happiness and fulfillment we deserve. We sometimes need to let our troubles consume us, think of giving up and allow hatred to rule our lives because that's part of being who we are. We get tired. We feel hopeless, yet we still need to go on.

There has been a lot of trials lately that almost knocked me off dead. I must say that I wouldn't want to go back to that state no matter what the prize is. It was the most painful stage I've ever gone through and that waking up every single morning is a curse that I would want to be saved from. I have tried escaping, quitting and even ignoring the lowest point of my existince. I searched for all the possible solutions to save me from the mess I was in when I found out that there's one thing I haven't tried doing yet - praying!

It helps a lot when you have greater connection with HIM. I have been ruling my own world when I shouldn't be the king. I have been complaining when I haven't tried reaching out to HIM. I turned a deaf ear when He told me to be patient. I was running when He asked me to stay. I kept on carrying the load when He was ready to carry it for me.

Through it all, I have already forgiven myself and I have learned to appreciate life's challenges more. For as long as I have the Big Boss' guidance, I am going to be fine. I may lose my calmness and perseverance to move on with the journey He has bestowed upon me but He will surely take me there.

I almost lost my mind and the smallest courage I have been keeping to survive, but the Lord has opened another chapter for me to enjoy. I know that there will still be problems ahead of me. I am willing to endure all the pain through God's guidance. I am now ready to redeem myself and live again.

Still Blessed

Everyday I complain about how exhausting it is to work in my current job. Everyday I drag myself to work because even if I loathe it, I was not born to skip obligations. This has been going on for months now and it's kind of funny that I'm still surviving.

Yes, I am tired. I hate what I do and I am so demotivated. Yet, I thank God for even though I am undergoing such tumultuous condition, I still survive the everyday pressure, I receive payment every 15th day of the month for what I do and I am not the only one who's having a hard time coping with the present situation.

After all, I'm still blessed.

I might be going through this whole shit mess right now but I know that the Big Man up there has big plans for me. In fact, He has already cooked one.

I love you Lord. I hate my job.

02:00

Been holding on for too long.
Maybe it's time I let go.
The wheels are in motion,
And I choose to run slow.

I'm on the brink of quitting.
I gasp for air to survive.
No one can can change this feeling.
Like I'm no longer alive.

Goodbye smiles around the corner.
I seldom wave and say 'Hi!'.
Everyday it teases me,
Giving me reasons to go away.

READ: The Lost Files: Six's Legacy

I Am Number Four: The Lost Files: Six's Legacy

The story narrated Six's life before he met John Smith, while she's on the run with the Mogadorians together with her Cepan Katarina. The plot is fast paced - maybe the reason why it is only available in eBook.

I just finished reading the book and somehow, I was enlightened with how Six lived her life before. Now I understand why she fights with determination. I find her better than Four yet, there are still 4 or maybe 5 Gardes out there waiting to be known.

There's a deeper reason why I had to copy those lines from the book. I wouldn't have interest on those if they mean nothing to me. They speak to me. Loud. Perfectly clear.

Something Fashionable

Just this evening, I watched models work it on the runway for the Philippine Fashion Week Spring Summer 2012. Resort Wear Collection was presented by Ipanema from renowned fashion designers Anthony Nocom, Catherine Cavilte, Dave Ocampo, Lyle Ibanez and Raoul Ramirez.



I saw a lot of swimwear for girls with see-through dresses and slits up to there. Plenty of short shorts were worn by guys as well. If we could all wear short shorts, life would be fun!



Unfortunately, I don't have decent photos for my camera's not for occasions like this. Taking pictures would also interrupt me from focusing on the show (Which I'm glad I did!).



I'll still show you some though (Face palm!) but please, you have to forgive me if they appear to be distorted or something.

(If I only knew the name of that woman, I would acknowledge her here!)

(I don't really see their faces, do you?)

(I was really aiming for Daniel Matsunaga and Sarah Meier.)

(Mismo!)

Few things I've learned today and things I should not forget if again I will attend an event like this:

1. If I don't have a VIP pass, I should arrive at the venue earlier to get a good seat. We were seated at the sixth row. Not bad though but still I want to be in front or nearer.
2. It's my first time so I did not really mind dressing up. I turned out to be wearing inappropriate attire. Although there were plenty of us, I felt bad for myself.
3. I should bring DSLR camera but since I don't have, I'll bring a friend to do the job for me. I am that wise you know; and
4. To take more shots!



This ain't gonna be the last. Next year, the runway has to wait for me.

In The Dark

There are a lot of thoughts worrying me. I can’t find a way to escape from them. My troubled mind wants to just give up. I want to disappear from here and never come back.

Whenever I think of how my life sails nowadays, I get sad. There’s too much I can’t take. I believe that I deserve a life better than what I am experiencing right now. These crazy thoughts keep on swirling in my head as they roll and turn into a snowball.

I fear that one day they will make me explode.

With the help of Coldplay’s Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall, I am trying to drown every single preoccupation I have.

Harry Potter-ish

Who says I can't fly in a broomstick like Harry Potter? This photo will prove you wrong! Lol!


I have planned of doing something important today but I can't help but browse through the photos of our outing last Saturday. My priorities suck. If I fail, that's because of my stubbornness. My mind has its own way of shutting everything out and sometimes I just can't control it.


It's 1:14 AM and I haven't started anything yet. Oh well, it's time. Toodles!