I Tend To Write Nonsense Stuff When I Can't Sleep

I should be sleeping now. It's 5 AM and I have planned on doing something at 9. But I can't. I can close my eyes but my weirdest, crazy mind would show me faces I don't want to see. It may sound funny but yeah, that includes your face. Your face still haunts me every now and then, yet unlike before, I no longer wake up in the middle of my sleep whenever thoughts of you would all of a sudden pop-up. I've overcome that part. And mind you, I don't think about you that much.

Since I've already fixed what I needed to fix with my phones and I've finished few chapters of the book that I'm currently reading which actually woke me up 'cause I'm almost near the end of it, I finally decided to look back at how I felt for you before. It was a heightened kind of feeling that even Elena's transformation to a vampire can't beat. There's this kind of sire bond that tied me to you actually. The kind that would never require any blood transfer to make it work.

First of all, I'm thankful for having known you. I wouldn't have experienced that wonderful feeling my friend often describes whenever she likes someone. Now, I can perfectly understand her and can relate to every sensation she would tell me. The excitement, the sugar rush, butterflies in the tummy, in cloud nine and whatever you call those things, I felt all of those. I guess the most honest way of putting it is that I felt how it is to be in love.

I dedicated one song just for you and I thank Jojo for releasing her mixtape because that's where I found it. I also made a playlist which I have already deleted by the way. I talked about you everyday and never got tired of doing so. I've got a little too close to you and I enjoyed every minute of our time together.

The worst part is, you don't know all of these things. But that can be the best part too. I just wish that I have guarded my feelings so well that you did not even for that short period of time realize how bizarre my actions were.

I liked you. A lot. It's true what they say that you never choose the person you would fall for. But it's pointless. I've suffered for what I've put myself into. It wasn't my fault though. I did not choose to feel that way. It just came my way. I brought you into my world and you didn't even know it. I tried to hold you too tight when you don't even see any hands holding you. I was consumed by what I felt and for that I am sorry.

It was truly an amazing journey. I felt all that I needed to feel. I was hurt and I have already forgiven myself for all I've been through. The mere fact that I can now talk about this openly is a good sign. It's a progress. It's a routine that would normally end when I put it into writing.

Everything will soon be over. Everything's going to change.

It's funny that the song currently playing is No Parade. It says, "And after all the noise I never heard our last goodbye/It was silent as a butterfly."