SELF-PIRACY

Lately, the “copycat” term has been a big joke for me and my friend at the office. We would often call each other a “copycat” whenever there’s something that we copied from each other or from other people. It’s fun because we’re not serious anyway and we just do it to have a share of laughter.

But what is a “copycat”? Whenever we hear this, we would always think of that popular Cherie Gil line "You're nothing but a second-rate, trying hard copycat!" According to an online dictionary, a copycat is an obnoxious individual who, sickly, gets off on copying, imitating, emulating, simulating or miming the words, gestures and expressions of another individual. Is it a bad thing? Personally, I think it is. How can we be ourselves if we always tend to copy someone else? How can you be an individual if you portray somebody’s persona?

There are plenty of people out there who enjoy living their lives as a carbon copy of another person. It might be on the way they dress, the music they like, things they say, favorite hobby, physical activity, etc. Why is this happening? Because of what we call trend. What’s “in” is cool all the time. We always want to blend in. He/she colored his/hair, I will color mine as well - type of attitude is really disturbing! What would you feel if you had your hair rebonded and the next day everybody in your office had their hair done as well?

I had my share of this when I was still at school. I had this new friend who copied my penmanship. So our classmates started commenting that we have the same. The last time I saw him write, it was totally different but when the school year started, it somewhat became closer to mine until it looked more like mine! It got me disturbed and annoyed. It was like part of me was stolen. Because of this I always avoid copying other people. Sometimes I do it just for fun but I make sure that I’m not going to be living that little piece of another person. That’s why I’m not going to be a basketball fanatic just because my friends are or enjoy the latest chart topping song because it’s a hit and everybody listens to it.

We all are copycats. Don’t you dare say you’re not because I know there’s a tiny part in you that is not original. There’s a secret though, if you’re going to copy something or someone, try not to be that obvious. Get the idea and create your own out of it. In other words, don’t copy everything!

Being “gaya-gaya” is a funny joke but it’s alarming when it’s getting serious. When you become untrue to yourself, it’s not you anymore.

There’s this quote in the cover of my notebook when I was in high school that has become my favorite. It goes by saying, “Never follow fads. Often, the best time to create is when nobody has it.”

Live your life. Be your own identity. Be unique. Stand out from the crowd. Embrace the you in you.

Chanceux

Due to heavy workload, I always end up going to work grumpy. I complain a lot. Sometimes I even have this near-to-fighting experience with some customers because I just can’t control my temper. So everyday’s like a day of hatred and stress. A hell day as what I would often say. I would wish for the other way but all I face is reality.

At the end of the day I still survive. As a matter of fact, our program celebrated its fifth year anniversary earlier. That means I’ve been working my ass off for almost four years now. “Well this is something new!”, that’s what I said to myself. A two-fold celebration: the beginning and the suffering. We are commemorating the day we first started while we are facing such a never-ending volume of work everyday. Others including me weren’t able to watch the program because we still have work to do. Poor them! Others were outside eating and enjoying the celebration. I was lucky that I joined the “design your own mask” contest and I was asked to pause for awhile but I went back to continue the work I’ve left. Sweet!

But what made this day worth remembering?

It was a shocking experience to know that I was given two awards and I won third place for the “MasqueRave” contest. I wasn’t there to receive the awards but it’s not a big deal anymore. My beloved friends accepted them for me. I was surprised and overwhelmed. I feel so fortunate that even though I am tired everyday and I complain and get mad every second of everyday, I still earned something for myself and that’s one thing that I should be proud of. That should motivate me to do my job no matter how stressful it maybe because I am capable of doing things that others are not.

That’s one of the reasons why I’m holding on. Oh yes! I am still holding on. I am still hoping that one day things will turn out the way they were before. Quitting will always be in my mind but whenever I look at the people I love, it disappears for awhile. At least they’re always there to make me laugh and smile whenever I carry this sad long face.

Despite all the challenges I am going through right now,  I still feel so blessed. So I’m not going to raise my white flag yet. At least not for now. Not when my stars are still shinning.

Mood Ring

I bought this mood ring yesterday. It changes its color depending on your mood. I have no friggin’ idea if it’s true but probably not. Like a child lost in a city, I carry this card with me that interprets all the colors that my magic-changing-color ring might show. Here are the colors and the corresponding moods:

Black - tense, nervous, harassed
Brown - anxious, nervous, stressed
Orange - unsettled, mixed emotions
Green - not under great stress
Light Blue - cool, relaxed, happy
Blue-Green - calm, at ease, lovable
Purple - very happy, passionate

One thing I should always remember though, this magic ring shouldn’t be soaked in water or else it’ll lose its magic. The color it has when it’s submerged in water, will be its color forever. This pretty much sounds like a curse huh?

I was just enchanted with this ring that’s why I purchased it. So far the color that I have is on the positive side and seriously I have a positive feeling. If this doesn’t mirror my true mood, I’ll soak this in water.

In the Land of Oz

Happy as a pig in mud is all that I can say whenever I think of the 2-day “normal” life that started last Monday at 8 A.M. and ended earlier at 4 P.M. I say it’s a normal life because out of almost four years of going to work at dawn, I was able to experience 2 days of working at daylight.

For two days I woke up early because I was so stoked.I felt so refreshed everytime I stepped out of the house. However, my way to the office was a bad encounter for it was hot, there were a lot of passengers and you have to battle your way to ride a transportation. There were plenty of buses but most of them were full. There was heavy traffic too. A very busy day!  This made me love my night schedule somehow. During lunch, there was a long line of people on fast-food chains. If this will be compared to our abnormal schedule, we will only be the people who will be served. The 10-15 minute wait will only be at least 5 minutes.

Maybe I just got shocked of how office life works in daytime. On the other hand, I enjoyed it very much. Some of my colleagues might have been annoyed of how I kept on saying that I love our schedule though it’s not going to last.

I did not feel zonked at all. I was never sleepy, well maybe because our trainer was a grouse who gave us good oil about the land down under. Or maybe because it’s day time!

What happened was indeed historical! And I will be forever thankful that while others have gone mad as a cut snake with our schedule, I was given the chance to have a taste of what’s in the broad daylight.

Seeing ocean of people at daytime may be something that I have to adjust to but having a normal life will always be part of my wish list.

I AM

I hate my real name that’s why I use my nickname all the time. I love music so much that I believe I’ll die without it. I’m one of the ectomorphs and you can see me towering in the crowd. Because of this, I choose to wear skinny jeans most of the time to show my skinniness than hide it from baggy clothes. I’ve come to terms with my body but not with my hair yet. I’m a shopping addict, impulsive buyer and I worry whenever I run out of budget. I have a passion for fashion though I am not a model or a fashion designer.

There’s a simple side of me that would make you burst out into laughter every now and then. I may be quiet sometimes but I am loquacious when I’m in good mood. However, don’t be offended with whatever I might say because the truth is I don’t mean them. Most of them are funny things uttered just to make everyone gay.

Within me is a frustrated writer who’s a sucker for negative feelings. I write for the pleasure of writing. I write to share what I feel.

I’m imperfect. I curse and I swear. I can sing loud even without microphone and I dance whenever I want to. I swim like a fish and life for me is at its best whenever I’m at the beach. I collect under wears and what’s underneath is going to be hidden for it’s a sacred place I am not willing to share with anyone or anybody yet.

My thoughts can’t be deciphered easily because it is made up of different complex structure of ideas. So you have to be warned. You have to be patient with me if you want to ride into my roller coaster kind of life.

Abismo de la Nada

It’s one of the darkest nights I’ve ever encountered. In the middle of my sleep, I woke up feeling the coldness of the night. The cold wind seeps through every strand of my veins. No matter how hard I try to cover myself I can still feel it. It’s freezing me to death. A storm is coming, that’s what I can feel.

Everywhere I look, it’s gloomy. My eyes couldn’t see the surroundings. It’s blurry. My ears became deaf due to the whirling air, like a crowd of people in chaos. There’s little courage within me telling me to get up and leave but I am scared to move. I’m afraid to make things worse. Leaving would mean battling through the unknown blackness. I’m not equipped with anything. I might not be able to survive. If I stay, I will be frozen forever.

Closing my eyes, I picture out the wonderland I once built when I was a child. A wonderland made up of dreams. Way back, I thought that every posts and walls are strong enough to make it come true. A perfect place which was far cry from this sunken miserable niche.

I look around trying to confuse myself more. Though my muscles are numb I convinced myself that what’s happening is just a phase in a human’s life cycle. I close my eyes and I start to reminisce from the time that I laughed the hardest. Every sound and every feeling of yesterday seem to have fade away. I can’t get the feeling anymore. I can’t have a grasp of every tiny parts of those memories. They’ve been replaced with tears and sorrow.

The wind made a strong blow and I heard the whistling sound again. I wrapped my hands to my ears as I moved slowly gathering all my strength left. I crawled and crawled with bruises in my arms and knees like I know where to go. Deep inside I can understand that I will not go any further. Every step is a waste. I am fighting for nothing but defeat.

Before I lose my breath, I will wallow for awhile until somebody finds me laying helpless in the abyss of nothingness.

No Joke

I joke. You laugh.
I tell the truth. You laugh again.
I cry because I’m in pain and you think that I’m just kidding.
I’m trying to open up but you don’t seem to believe what I’m telling you.
I get hurt too. I get scared. I can be in pain.
I can’t be all-smiles everyday.
When I’m sad.
Believe me.
Please.

Anonymously Jane

Legit or not I still don’t get it.

Last night, I received a text message from someone named Jane and she’s claiming that she’s from this also-known contact center in the country. Good thing I still have the copy of our conversation on my phone. I am so willing to share everything to you.

Here's what happened:


-Missed call-
Me: Hu’s dis?
#: Is this mr. (my last name, first name)?
Me: Yes
#: Can i have your profile? this is jane from teleperformance if your interes+ed in our company.
Me: How did u get my number?
Jane: I got it from our employee last week.
Me: May i have the name of that employee please? And what position are you offering me? 
Jane: (blank message)
Jane: Supervisor with a salary of 3o thou.a month if you are interested just txt me or call me.
Me: Sony is this u? 
Jane: No po..so mr. (my last name) are u interested?
Me: Who referred me to u?
Jane: One of ur co employee.i will not mention name anymore,ni reffer kalang becoz ur smart and responsible in ur career..
Me: First of all, if u’r gona contact someone for a job offer or something similar to that, u have to mention the name of the referor for formality’s sake. Secondly, i dnt knw anybody who works in ur company. If u’r someone i knw, u better be honest right now becoz i dnt play games like this.
Me: And by the way, stuff like this shouldn’t be done via sms. Is there an HR during weekends? Good night and nice try =)
 
That’s it. Would you believe that that person is an employee of that company? Based on our conversation, there’s really no reason for me to honor her words.

The number she used to text me is a personal number that I only use to contact my high school and college friends. I have a separate number for work/business related person.
She should’ve called me instead of exchanging text messages with her not-so-intellectual choice of words. She even asked me to call her!

If this is legit, their way of doing business isn’t professional and with that alone, I chose to believe that she’s just someone trying to play a joke on me.

Whoever she is, she should know better than to just wake me up in the middle of my sleep. She might have had a hard laugh or a smile of disappointment with what happened.

If he or she’s someone I know, what he/she did isn’t a nice joke. We’re not kids anymore to be playing hide and seek. 

I am so disappointed on you.

Unhealthy

My feet is planted on the ground that is losing its nutrients. At first, I planned myself to be placed on a soil that I thought would make me bear fruits. I believe I did. I have a feeling that that’s the reason why they would get some of me. Oh how I love it when I see their faces satisfied with what I bore. I’m healthy. I’m nice and I look good.

Seasons changed and right now my roots wish to stretch to a more healthy soil. Unfortunately, there are circumstances that are just inescapable. That’s not absolute however because there’s a way for me to be uprooted carefully and be placed somewhere healthier.

At present, I can still drink water. I can still feel it in my veins but it’s not as sweet and as refreshing as before. I still bear fruits but I don’t think these fruits taste the same as they were previously. If I continue growing in this ground without nourishment I might end up useless.

I’m crying out loud but everyone’s ignoring me. I’m raising my drying leaves but they just won’t see.

I wonder when this present state will change. Do I have to wait til I’m all dried out? Til I can’t breathe anymore, wither and die?

What I Want

I want this and I want that.
It’s like we’re never satisfied at all. The world is filled with many material things that are very pleasant to the eyes. Once we get what we want, we’ll wish for something else. It’s a never ending cycle which made me believe that we don’t know how to be contented.

When will we be contented? What will make us stop desiring earthly pleasures?
These things surely don’t compensate what we lack. They can never cover the emptiness that’s eating us whole. It’s really true that happiness can never be found on things that are temporary. Things that in any moment can be destroyed and can be taken away from us.

My greatest sin is vanity. I am truly aware of this. But just like you, I am human too. It’s hard to let go of what I’m used to. All that I want is to be happy with what I have yet I still don’t get that feeling.

Life on earth is a temporary journey. They said that life-after-earth is what’s significant. With never ending needs and wants, are we prepared for the next life? With too much love for my own self, will I be able to live a life of total selflessness?

To contemplate before we act is what we should do. To focus on eternal happiness and not earthly pleasure would surely make this life’s journey worthwhile. That’s where I’m going. Little by little I am walking. Slowly I’m trying to let go of of my unwanted wants. I’m trying. I’m doing everything to at least minimize my obsession over material things and I’m on it. Let’s all do this hand in hand.

Admit It

What we often lack is honesty. Honesty to ourselves and honesty to what we feel. I guess that's where we should start if we would want to be honest to other people as well.

We should learn how to embrace the facts of life. If we're lonely let's be sad. If we're happy then let's be gay. If we’re in love then show it. We should stop fooling ourselves by trying to replace what we feel with something else.

People at times would pretend that they're happy although they're going through tough times. They would try to think happy thoughts but it’s not gonna change anything. What lies deep inside is the truth. The surface might be calm but right underneath it's broken.

Reality would slap you in the face but you would choose to ignore it. You try to be positive because you're hoping that somehow it'll change - although you know that not a thing will change. What a waste!

What I'm trying to say is that let's start being true! Let's accept what we feel and what is real. Let's not try to change our mood if we really can't. Stop saying things you don’t mean. Don’t hide behind a clown face. A mantra wouldn't change your state of mind. It'll just bring a lot of frustration in the end. Love your emotion be it negative or positive. Instead of saying "I'm ok" or I'll be fine" be strong and say "I'm sad I need your help" or “I need to be alone”, instead of "It's not happening!" admit it and say that "It is happening!".

‘Cause I really hate it when people try to hide their brokenness by saying positive stuff.

How are you?

It's been a long time since I visited this place so I want to ask "How are you?".
Just like meeting an old friend, I want to know what happened since the last time I updated this page.

My page is still as empty as before with few visitors. A sign that for so many months, my head was stripped with ideas and stuff to write. Not true.

I decided to do some changes and I started with my blog template. It's quite refreshing and I love looking at it. I might as well import some of the entries I have in my other site and change my blog title because for me, it sucks now. It's not yet final though. There are still a lot of things I need to consider but I'll try not to post too much photos or videos here. This has always been the mirror of my day-to-day feelings. This time, I would like to take control of everything that will be posted here-all coming from me.

Lately I've been feeling a little more like this page. Empty. Barren. Pointless. No direction.

Tired as always been for trying to figure out where to go, I always end up lost, scared and worried. There's something I want but I'm not sure what that is. I hope it's just as easy as changing this page's template. But it ain't like that.

I have a lot of issues in life but I make sure that I deal with every single bit of those. The problem is I just start but don't finish. I plan but don't act.

Sometimes I wonder If I'm the only person in this world who's experiencing this type of dilemma but I'm sure that there are a lot out there. I just wish that I can share with them what I'm going through right now. Misery loves company indeed.

Anyway, this is how life works and it isn't unfair at all. We all go through something then eventually get out of it. It may take a long time but definitely nothing can be left undone. It's just a matter of deciding what color, what style or what kind of template you would want to view your life just like with what I did to this page.

So there you go. That's me today.

How about you? How are you?"