Colors & Feelings

Blue is refreshing like the morning dew-
A constant reminder of a life anew.
Blue represents feelings and emotions too.
It's that sadness I feel when I'm not with you.

I wish I could color my world white,
But that's a bullet I have to bite.
Hence, I painted it gray and black;
Then I'll wait for you to come back.

Yet I'm sweet like orange for you;
It's one thing I don't usually do.
But you're sour and selfish though,
Which sets fire that no one can blow.

Your silly acts get me tickled pink;
One of the reasons why I'll sink.
You seem to have lost any feeling,
While I try to be caring and nurturing.

I can mention every color and hue
To put into words what I'm feeling
Hence, I wrote this ode for you
In memory of nothing.

Of Onions & Tears

You walk in and out of my thoughts;
I can’t stand the torture it gives me.
In the shadows we stay,
And that is my only reality.

But why would you just blankly stare
When I used to own your vision?
I am trying to keep it all in,
But like child I want to scream.

Some questions remain unanswered.
My fingers can’t count anymore.
Like your poor, tired, and sleepy eyes,
You heart wanders along the shore.

I can’t hold and keep you with me;
My hands aren’t capable of saving you.
Still, I don’t want to let you go,
For losing you means losing a part of me too.

I do not own you;
That’s why I live in fear.
I wish I can chop onions
Without shedding a tear.

You lead the way; I follow.
You push me away; I stay.
You give up; I do not give in.
You move on, I just can’t.

My Up-To-The-Minute Life Story

There are always two sides to every story. My story is a tragic one where the main character did not get his happy ending and die. Well, maybe not as pathetic as dying, but still heartbreaking.

While thinking of how things have been in the past, what happened was the sweetest escape from the normal route I always take. I didn't know that there will be an accident in the end. Truth is, I have been warned but I was too stubborn to take the advice. I enjoyed the moment chasing butterflies. The fire kept me warm, but the flame was too hot, I got burned.

I did not die. That's something I should be happy for. But to wake up each day thinking of you and the things we normally do is like suicide. How could the brain bring back memories you want to forget? How could it be so insensitive when it knows the heart is in pain? I am not good with handling emotions. If I were to trade my brain or heart for something else just to stop thinking of you, I would do it no matter what the cost is. Every song I listen to tells something about you and it's driving me mad.

There are so many questions I want to ask, but I bet I am no longer in the position to. The other end of the line is always silent, quiet and idle. Being ignored is one of the treatments I hate the most, but there's nothing I can do other than to pump up the volume of whatever music I listen to, to divert my attention. How could you be so fine when I wake up in the middle of my sleep every day? There are so many things I don't understand and all I can do is take things the way I see them.

Although I can't act like  everything's fine because they're not, I will try to live my life as if I wasn't hurt. 

This is my story. I'm still breathing and living. I hope you can tell me your story too. Let's unfold it. Happy or sad please let me know.

You and Me: The Fallen Ones

There are feelings that can't be defined using words. That no matter how hard you try to find its meaning, you'll end up not finding anything. The heart does feel something. The mind knows, yet it chooses to keep quiet for when it starts thinking, it will overshadow everything.

It is not clear if it is the heart or the mind that brought us here. By the looks of it, I guess it is the former. There is uncertainty, hence the term guess. And I can't presume, so I will let things happen without controlling them. There are no rules; however, expectations were laid out. Words were used, but our actions do not seem to understand these. We remind ourselves not to cross the line, but going beyond is our sweetest misdemeanor. Behaviors are open to misinterpretation and one wrong move may lead us to an awkward situation.
I know where to stand. It's a cold, dark place I'm familiar with. The only difference is that you visit me every now and then. You bring me life, but I still don't get to live. I should have not chosen this battle for whatever happens, in the end, I will be alone waving a white flag; and you will move on winning and smiling.

You can't blame me and I can't blame you too. I have wished for a life other than this, but this is what I got. You could have been that someone I have prayed for, but I do not own you.

Everything is wrong and I don't want to be right anymore. If being right means I have to go back to where I was before, then I'd rather be happy and wrong.