my phone's back!

it's been 6 days that i don't have access to the cellular world. it was a little depressing. i'm a heavy texter i admit. every hour i send out quotes or any updates about my day. i don't know if some of my contacts are pissed about that *wink*. i just can't help it.

but when my phone got sick, that changed my life(no contact with my friends, no quotes and messages to send, no alarms to wake me up and no music to listen to). and, i found out that my life wasn't normal without it.

later this day, my friend went to the mall to fetch my phone. it's already fixed. i'm so glad that i would be able to use it again.i'm making a promise to take good care of it. and i'm ready to go back to my normal life!

A Day with Lea, Edward and Bella

kanina after shift, naisipan naming hintayin ang pagbukas ng mga mall para bilhin ang remaining books ng Twilight saga. nagpalipas kami ng oras sa The Cofffee Bean and Tea Leaf. si ate lei nagbabasa ng copy ko ng Eclipse habang nakikinig naman ako ng iPod ko. kwento siya ng kwento about every chapters kahit sinasabi kong wag nya akong bibigyan ng kahit anong info because i'm yet yet done reading the book. Preface pa lang nababasa ko. gustong gusto kong ginagaya ang smile ni Edward at tuwang-tuwa naman si ate. galit na galit din siya kay Bella. halos 2 hours din kami tumambay.

after 9 am, naisipan naming maglakad-lakad na papuntang Glorieta. since it's possible na sarado parin yung mall, we decided na sa Robinson's Ermita na lang kami bumili ng book para eksatong bukas na pagdating namin. ang ingay namin sa bus dahil galit na galit nga si ate kay Bella Pokpok (tawag nya kay Bella) at nag e-Edward smile nalang ako sa kanya just to make her calm down.

pagdating namin sa Robinson's Ermita, nanghina kami when we found out na wala ng copy ng Eclipse at Breaking Dawn sa lahat ng bookstores dun. we were so upset but we did not lose our hope. "di kami uuwi hanggat di namin nabibili yung gusto namin" yun promise namin sa isa't isa. sayang naman yung pagpupuyat namin kung di namin yun mabibili.

we decided na pumunta na lang sa MOA. habang nasa taxi kami, ginagaya namin yung scene sa Twilight yung nagkadikit fingers ni Bella at Edward sa kotse. hinanap namin mga bookstores pero wala ring available. naisipan naming tumingin sa directory ng mall at may isa pa palang bookstore ang di namin napupuntahan. ito ang FULLY BOOKED. nahirapan kaming hanapin ang bookstore na to kasi lumipat na pala sila. so nagtanong tanong kami sa mga guards. nkakatulong talaga ang pagtatanong. kinakabahan na kami kasi last na tlga at nawawalan na kami ng pasensiya.then OM to the G! sa FULLY BOOKED lang pala makikita ang bukal ng Twilight books. complete yung series at my paper back at hard copy! napasigaw kami sa loob ng bookstore sa sobrang tuwa! ate lei bought her copy of Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. ako naman, yung last book lang.

after our 3-hour search for those books, nagtagumpay din kami sa wakas! kahit pagod kami, we still have smiles on our faces (Edward smile parin ako). we promised na di na namin uulitin ang ganitong bisyo! hahaha

ate lei nag-enjoy talaga ako. i'll never forget my day out with you!

My Phone is in Critical Condition

hay 3 days na akong walang cellphone..naaksidente kasi siya nung sunday. nahulog sa bulsa ko. namimiss ko nang magtext pero ok rin na wala siya kasi nkakapagseryoso akong magbasa ng books. at least nkapagpahinga siya sa kakapindot ko.

nung naaksidente siya xa, feeling ko nawalan ako ng mahal sa buhay. nalungkot ako kasi nawalan ako ng katabi sa pagtulog at wala ng gumigising sakin.

binubuhay siya ngayon ng Nokia Care sa G3. dapat kukunin ko na siya nung tuesday pero tinatamad pa ko kasi pipila na naman dun.

alam kong mabubuhay siyang muli pero kahit ano'ng gawin, bali-baliktarin man ang mundo, di mawawala sa isip kong nasira siya. maayos man siya, nasira parin.

sa mga nagtetext, sorry di ko kayo mareplyan.

kawawang cellphone. =(

Twilight Book Sold!

i don't know what came thru my mind but i decided to sell my Twilight book to Lea. i sold it yesterday for the price of 200 pesos. i'm done with the book but i want to buy a hard bound copy. later this morning i bought a hard bound copy of "New Moon" and "Eclipse". i guess it will last, especially there are a lot of my friends dying to borrow the book.if i have the hard bound copy, there's a little less worry that my book will be destroyed or something.

i'm planning to buy the last book on friday. it's just okay even if i no longer have the copy of the first book. i'll buy it later on. i have to save money first. i'm just too excited to finish the story that's why i'm in a hurry of completing these books.

i've never been so obsessed with something before.hahaha i guess i'm cutting too much of my salray from these books.i thought i would be able to save something as what i've promised, but nah..i'm too bad in keeping promises.

to what am i gonna be spending my money,after the twilight saga? i have no idea =P

i want to be a vampire

i'm obssessed with vampires again.
i remember having the same feeling when i was in college.
i used to watch vampire themed movies and admired Lestat on the movie "Queen of the Damned". they're strong, powerful and most of all, immortal. these are the reasons why i also want to be a vampire

i'm currently reading "Twiilight", a book written by stephenie meyer. it's a love story between a mortal and a vampire. i find it so cute and romantic the way the main characters exhange words. this book awaken the desire in me to become a vampire.

i'm not yet done with the book though. i can't wait to buy the three remaining books.

now, i've been researching about vampires. i want to know more about them, til i got to this vampire generator site. after filling out the form, my vampire name appeared. so if i were a vampire, my name would be Will Raven, known in some parts of the world as Belatucadrus of The Cursed,The cursed and the curser - bringing downfall and ill favour to kings and peasants alike!

i don't know any REAL vampire, but if there's anyone out there, you can bite me now. i'm willing! (jaz kiddin')

if you want to know your vampire name, you can visit this site http://www.emmadavies.net/vampire/

on friendship

a little discussion with a friend last week inspired me in writing this blog. we talked about how we view friendship/friends. we have different perceptions and we really differ in a lot of ways. of course, we are two very different people.

i don't choose friends, i want them to choose me. because if they do, it means that i passed their qualifications of being a friend.

everybody can be my friend if they're friendly to me. if i can feel that they're sincere, that they're true i would really trust them. if they're untrue to me, that would be their problem.

i value friendship a lot. i always say that i was born for my friends. i never had any love life or whatsoever. i've always been single and always ready to give a hand for a friend.that's how i see my life's purpose.

in friendship, i always give out my 100 percent trust. however, i don't give it to all my friends. i am very forgiving. i don't even know how to get mad at a friend. well maybe a minute or two but it doesn't last that long.i don't like the feeling of holding or keeping something inside me, specially hurt or pain.

i live by this message in the Bible that there's no greater love than to lay down your life for a friend. i always take note of this line and i guess it helps me a lot.

ALONE

Here I go again
Feels like on one seems to care.
I'm all left out and jaded.
Everything is all but faded.

I tried but then I fell.
I did all for you to stay.
It hurts to be left out.
It's all black there is no doubt.

Giving up is hard to do
It's something you don't know.
I'm weak inside my mind is blurry
I'm wishing I could kill the pain...

Of being alone,
I'm dying inside.
You left me on my own.
Got no one left but me to talk to.

I'm beatin by all of my mistakes.
Conscience blames me with sadness.
Worries haunt me
please come back and stay.

I want to scream
to let you know
My fears are all that's killing me
So soon I'll fade away...

I'm stuck inside a world of loneliness.
Darkness around covers my face.
Why don't you come and wipe the tears I cry
I don't want to be alone forever.

LIFE JUST ISN'T

Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have a lot of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. LIFE JUST ISN'T ABOUT THAT.

But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness and compassion. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it's about choosing to use your life to to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's all about.

MAKE ME BETTER

Light the candles
It's too dark in here.
Your shadow is all I see
And your scent is all that lingers.

Open the window
On the walls of your heart
I need to feel the wind
Or the heat of the sun to keep me warm.

Fill my world
With the light of your love.
Make it glow endlessly
That I may never be lost.

Let of stay beside you
Never let me go.
Keep me with you forever
Because only you can make me better.

Because of the Past

I was then very sad because of yesterday's memories. I've been haunted by the past and everything that took place in it. I thought i would end. I thought i would not survive because of the unbearable pang. I thought i would never ever be whole again. I was wrong.

Believing the existence of the non-existent is a big lie. This was my mistake. I've been blinded by the light of darkness that i haven't noticed it's just a deception.
I've been deceived, but now, i'm quite aware of this. I thought i lose the battle, yet i found out i'm still on my way to it's final.
I could not believe i would be able to rise again. What had happened made me see how cruel life is. However, this made me realize i have become stronger as i faced all it's punches and kicks.

Now, it's felt like i've become a better person. I've lost some of my pieces but i'm eager to find and bring them back together. Slowly i'm standing from where I've fallen. Slowly my hurts are fading away. Little by little i'm starting to live a new life. A life molded by the past. The past that has given of the chance to have this new life.

What a panicking experience!

(this was taken from my phone's camera. the photo was of low quality =c )

It was Panic day.i woke up very early.At 3 pm i was already in Metropoint where i ate my supposed to be lunch and after 30 minutes i was riding the mrt. At around 4 pm i arrived at Cubao station.I can't deny that I was early and excited.I searched the place. I made myself familiar with it because it was my firSt time to watch a concert at the big dome.i g0t tired of walking so i decided to eat @ Mcdonalds.I was so bored since i got no one to talk to.I was just lucky that pReci0us was texting me.I remembered eating at Mcdo last year during Christina's Back to Basics tour but that was at The Fort and i was with my best friend that time.I left Mcdo at 6 pm and by 6:38, i was sitting on my designated seat at the coliseum.We were told that a new band will b performing first and that's Cr0wned King.I never heard of them.It's a dream come true, that i'll be watching my favorite band perform live.I've only seen them perform on the videos i downloaded to my ip0d.I was disheartened seeing the t-shirts of my fave band on sale with prices I just couldn't afford. I'm so broke.

1 more hour of waiting and I bought a bottle of mineral water to relieve my thirst.At 7:10, my seat mate arrived. They were 2 girls and they're noisy. They were comparing all the concerts they've seen.I was like 'eEhr mah gawRd i wish i don' have a seat mate'.7:30 and the cr0wd's g0ne crazY.7 minutes passed 8 and the sh0w hasn't started yet.People c0uldn't help but shout everytime the ad for the PATD's c0ncert appeared on the big monitor. Suddenly the lights were all out and b0oooM Crowned King performed until 8:47.i just can't help but admire their v0cAlist's "so sexy b0dy".

9:13 and Panic did n0t appear yet.Some guys prepared the stage after the front act's performance. My seat mate's g0t a little impatient..then the lights went out again.Then Ryan Ross,Brendon Urie, Spencer Smith and John Walker started singing the s0ng "We're so starving". The thought of being al0ne did cross my mind at all. I was one with the cr0wd and we're all singing along with our favorite band.we danced, we sh0uTed, we sang and we asked for more of Panic at the Disco's performance. BuT it ended just like all other concerts. They sang songs from their first and latest album which include "Nine in teh Afternoon", "But it's Better if You Do", "CAMISADO", "She's a Handsome Woman", "The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Release", "Behind the Sea" where Ryan did his solo, the crowd's favorite "Lying is the Most Fun a Girl can have without Taking their Clothes Off", "I Constantly Thank God for Esteban", their new single "That Green Gentleman", "Folkin' Around", another crowd's favorite "I Write Sins not Tragedies", "Northern Downpour", "Time to Dance", and my personal favorite songs "Pas de Cheval" and MAd as Rabbits".

At 10:35 i went home happy because of d adventure i had. While I was walking, I was still singing their songs. Although i was alone,it was w0rth it because of that new experience and because of Panic at the Disco of course. I realized that no matter what, if there's something you want to get, whether you're alone, if u put your heart into it, if you do something about it, you'll absolutely gonna get it!


Next concert to watch: Avril Lavigne's The Best Damn Tour 2008!

Crush by David Archuleta

whoa i just love listening to this new single of David Archuleta. this single was officially released to radio on August 12, 2008.i already have it on my iPod and i'm trying to memorize it.

this song was written Jess Clayton Cates,Dave Hodges and Emanuel Kiriakou.FYI Hodges wrote Kelly Clarkson's "Never Again".He also wrote "Because of You" and "Addicted" with Kelly for her Breakaway album.

David's album is due in November but no exact date yet. i can't want to hear all the tracks. go archie!

I hung up the phone tonight,
something happened for the first time, deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush
Cause the possibility that you would ever
Feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much
Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized, and I just got to know


Do you ever think, when you're all alone
All that we could be, Where this thing could go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it really just another crush
Do you catch a breath, when I look at you
Are you holding back, like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, try to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin away, goin away


Has it ever crossed your mind when we were hanging
Spending time girl, are we just friends
Is there more, is there more
See it's a chance we've gotta take
Cause I believe we can make this into
Something that will last, last forever, forever


Do you ever think, when you're all alone
All that we could be, Where this thing could go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it really just another crush
Do you catch a breath, when I look at you
Are you holding back, like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, try to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin away, goin away


Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know


Do you ever think, when you're all alone
All that we could be, Where this thing could go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it really just another crush
Do you catch a breath, when I look at you
Are you holding back, like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, try to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin away, goin away

new home

at last i'm done..

i've transferred my important files from multiply and from my other blogspot acct (which i already deleted) to this new site.
if you will read some of my posts, it's on the same date.that is because i just copied them from those 2 sites i've mentioned.

this will be my new home from now on.

she's pregnant

my heart was pounding when she dropped some of her urine on the pregnancy test last wednesday. i was praying that it would be negative though she's sure that she's really pregnant. she never had her menstration since her boyfriend left.she had been waiting but it did not come.

maybe that's the reason why some time last month, she asked me, "what would you feel if i get pregnant?", i answered, "i would really feel bad. you still have a lot of dreams and i think it's not yet the right time for you. he doesn't have a job yet."

it was confirmed last wednesday.she's not afraid. she's happy. she even said that she'll start preparing for her baby. i think it's a better way of hiding her real emotion. her family doesn't know it yet. we're the only persons in this world who knew about this. she's still waiting for the right time to tell her parents.

i don't know if she's ready. but she said that she is. she even bought anmun tonight and i accompanied her this morning for her first pre-natal check up and everyone in MADOCs thought that i am the father of her baby. but it's not a matter of saying that she's ready because she has to go through a lot of process. i just can't imagine her carrying all of this gift alone (i can't say that the baby is a problem).her boyfirend's in the province and it's quite unfair for her.but they're both happy that they'll be having a baby-on-the-go.

i've always been against pre-marital sex, but what can i do?i think everyone's been doing the act and i'm the only one who has not tried it yet! i'm a little guilty that i've never given them a good advice.

our lives will soon change. she'll be leaving us to start a famly of her own. this situation will all affect us.thinking of the future makes me sad.

she may have had the wrong decision of being pregnant, but keeping the baby is the greatest decision and i salute her for doing that.

Sometimes life makes you give up what you love most.

"Sometimes life makes you give up what you love most."

this is what i realized one day as i was laying on my bed thinking of the things that happened to me in the past. i lost a lot of people and things especially those that i love most.

though it's hard to let go, i just have to. people come to touch my life, teach me something and give meaning to it. memories maybe good or bad, they're still part of the things they will leave me.

letting go or giving up is like taking away a part of you.you get hurt during the process but after that you'll realize you've been a better person and your life's never the same.

it's hard accepting reality but we can't get away with it. Reality bites

i believe

...That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

...That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a
while and, you must forgive them for that.

...That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

...That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

...That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

... That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

... That you can keep going long after you can't.

... That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

... That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

... That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there
had better be something else to take its place.

... That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

... That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

... That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time!

... That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

... That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

... That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

... That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

... That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

... That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

... That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

... That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other, And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

... That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

... That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

... That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

... That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

... That the people you care about most in life are the essence of life.Tell them today how much you love them and what they mean to you.

GOTTA BELIEVE ME!

THE BEST MAN IN MY LIFE

i haven't seen you for almost a year now..but i can still remember you..
your face..and everything you are.

i would never forget that man, the man who brought me into this world.

i must admit we're not that close. but i know you love me.
you have flaws that i hate most but there are also some good things you did to me.
you would always be a part of me no matter what happens.

you drink a lot. i guess i got that talent from you.
i don't like it when you fight with my mother but i think that made your relationship stronger.
i hate it when you smell intoxicated by alcohol but i love it when you kiss me and you tell me how you love me as your son and how proud you are for having me.

we don't talk often and i don't share my experiences with you,
yet, im so happy that in my life, in the house i live in, we sang and played the same songs together.
you would compare me to my youngest sister because she knows how to drive our motorbike better than i do
and you would say that i'm a reckless driver,
but still you had patience in teaching me how to be a better driver like you.

you would always scold me and my sister for not washing our garments
but in a minute, you would do it for us instead.
you do a lot of things when you're in the house, you would always notice a lot of things
that shouldn't be noticed like even the smallest and tinest dirt that should be cleaned.
with that i would always wish you're not around,
but when you're gone, i wish you're home.

i know i have not shown you how much i love you.
i may have hated you for the pains that you've caused our family before.
things have changed now.. i have accepted all those that happened in the past..
there's no perfect family and there's no perfect father

you're only human..
you have your emotions..
and you make mistakes..

i would never trade you for another father..
i may not say this often..
but i do love you and i really miss you

if there's a word that i've been missing a lot...
it's the word "TATAY'".
i haven't uttered this word for like a year.
i can't wait to see you again.

to the best man in my life,
HAPPY TATAY'S DAY TO YOU =' )

DROWNING with SADNESS

i guess i'm just missing a lot of things that's why i am sad.everything has changed.i am not really open to changes because it's really difficult to adjust and it's really hard to get away with those things that you're used to.

i'm not excited to go to work.i get irritated easily, specially when i'm talking to dumb customers.i rarely smile.i'm no longer active in qc.haaay...i don't even know what i'm doing everyday.maybe because it's always queueing.i no longer sing.did our outing in puerto galera take all the happiness in me? that was the last time i enjoyed my life.

i miss a lot of people.. i miss Rochy:she was my seatmate before and we were like sisters.i tell her all my troubles and she would always listen to me;i miss Belca and the songs we sing together;i also miss wilson and his jokes;i miss marton and the CHOOPETA dance with ate lei..i really miss that gay.he would tell me all his adventures in life and his bookings and he would always give me advises..i miss all the conversations we had; i miss that PIPOU when i was with those people that i mentioned.

i wish i could turn back time..to that time when everything was perfectly happy. but change is inevitable. i have to be strong..because we can't all be together forever..soon i will be able to face that fact..as for now....all that i can say is that i'm sad...

i think the best thing for me to do is to enjoy myself with the other friends i have. to be happy is a choice and i got that from ACE..i have to think of happy thoughts and just be happy that in my life's journey, i met those people who touched my life...

it is...

It's nice to know that you're secured with that someone. That even if the rain is pouring hard and the sky is almost dark, he'll never leave you just so you won't feel alone. Even if his friends had left him (and even if he has to be somewhere else) he'd still stay by your side, just so you won't feel alone.

It's so good to know that you have someone who'll be willing to help you cope up in every frustrations you're having. Every depressing moments, every down moments, every self-worthless-realization moments, he'd be there, not because you want someone to be with you, but because he wants to be with you.

It's great to know when a person appreciates every little thing you do. Even a smile would mean a lot to him, just because you own that smile. And that even if no words are expressed as long as the eyes understand, you'd be able to communicate, just like that.

It's overwhelming when a person tells you that he loves you for who you are. He may not have an answer when you ask him why, but really, he doesn't have to have reasons for loving you.

It's more grateful to know that someone is grateful to have you. We don't choose the people who enter our lives, so it must be luck that you have that person, then you have to be thankful. It may just be coincidence or fate, but whatever the reason is, you have to be thankful in having him the same way he is thankful for having you.

It's a wonderful feeling when you're on the verge of giving up the things you've worked hard for, someone isn't just helping you carry the weight on your shoulders, but he carries it on his own because he'd also be in pain when you are in pain. And then you'll realize, trials would all be worth it as long as you have him, not because he would do things for you, but because you gather all the strength you need, in him and his love.

It's a superb feeling when one is willing to take the risks just so you'll be happy. Unselfishness rule in him just so happiness would take over you.

It's a nice feeling that when you're apart, and days seem to be long, that person misses you. Yes, you might feel bad about not being with each other, but knowing that you feel the same way would drive those blues away, thinking, you'd fight over that feeling because you're looking forward to seeing each other, and that's something to be happy about.

It's a great feeling when he wants to be with you because of the happiness you have when you're together. That even if corny jokes and senseless stories are told, it won't matter as long as you're together.

It's a lovely feeling when someone thinks about your future, with or without him. He cares and he cares enough to think of you and what you'll be someday. But of course, he also wants to be in it someday.

It's a nice feeling when you can be who you really are with that person. No pretentions, no lies, no hypocrisy, because he accepts you for who you are. You can be funny, you can be embarrased, but it won't matter coz it doesn't matter to him. Trust and faith in each other keeps you alive. And it will always do.

It's good to know that you have someone who'll not have the intentions of breaking your heart. Instead, he would be willing to mend it, picking up the broken pieces of your heart that your past love have scattered in the ground. He may not be able to put the pieces back to where they really belong, but you shouldn't mind, because he had repaired that heart of yours, and he fixed it in his own way. He loves you in his own way, not the way your past did. He fixed your heart in a different way, to keep you from feeling the pains of your past heartache and to make you feel, the love, that he's unselfishly giving.

It's a great feeling when that person has every effort to let you feel what he feels for you. Because of the distractions, you may not hear him shout it to the world, but as long as you feel it, his efforts has paid off, big time. And when you feel the same way too... He'd feel as if he's the luckiest person alive.

... when in fact, you're more blessed to have him.

24 Things To Always Remember and ONE THING TO NEVER FORGET

Your presence is a present to the world.
You are unique and one of a kind.
Your life can be what you want it to be.
Take the days just one at a time.

Count your blessings, not your troubles.
You will make it through whatever comes along.
Within you are so many answers.
Understand, have courage, be strong.

Do not put limits on yourself.
So many dreams are waiting to be realized.
Decisions are too important to leave to chance.
Reach for your peak, your goal and you prize.

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.
The longer one carries a problem the heavier it gets.
Do not take things too seriously.
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

Remember that a little love goes a long way.
Remember that a lot … goes forever.
Remember that friendship is a wise investment.
Life’s treasure are people together.

Realize that it is never too late.
Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
Have hearth and hope and happiness.
Take the time to wish upon a start.

AND DO NOT EVER FORGET ….
FOR EVEN A DAY
HOW VERY SPECIAL YOU ARE !

THE BEE AND THE BUTTERFLY

who said that love conquers all?

there was once a story about love.

love that existed for some time but was never realized. something that should've never existed at all.

there was a bee who got lost in a garden full of pretty flowers. the bee was new to that place. the place he stayed before was barren and empty. he couldn't stand the place so he decided to leave the beehive and search for another place where he would grow and live.

he was amused by all that he saw. he has never tasted sweet nectars from fresh flowers that's why he couldn't wait to get plenty of it. he surveyed the whole garden and he bumped into a very beautiful butterfly. he has seen butterflies before but he thought this one was different.

the butterfly asked him if he's new to that place and the bee nodded. the bee was a little shy and so he went away leaving the butterfly behind. the butterfly ran after him and asked why he left. the bee said that he's kind of shy because he doesn't know the butterfly.the butterfly said that he don't have to.from that day, the two became good friends.

since the bee's new to that beautiful place, the butterfly accompanied him always. they would roam around the garden to gather nectars and the butterfly would tell him stories about the place and what it's like living there.the butterfly's always been there to help the bee.the butterfly would always let the bee comes first.

in short..the bee fell in love with the butterfly.of all bees around, the bee chose the butterfly.though it's impossible he let the feeling grew inside of him.he was stung.

the butterfly was not aware of that.before the feeling ate him up, the bee leave the lovely garden and he looked for another place to live in.he knew that he will never ever find such a lovely place again or the same beaautiful butterfly but he thought that he made a right decision. the bee flew away and promised to never return.

butterflies were made for butterflies, and bees for bees. though they both love flowers and nectars, they're still different.

it's possible to love someone but it's not always possible for someone to love you..it's always possible to love the wrong person but it's impossible for that feeling to be realized.

the bee needs to leave...he's still flying around to look for flowers but not for butterflies.he decided not to go back to his old place.he knew the butterfly's happy.and he's happy for him too.love needs to leave.it can't survive.all were lies created by the bee's mind.

SOLITUDE

i am in a barren wasteland
a deserted area no one can escape.
my feeling is uncertain i can't understand.
it's a shame reminiscing the past
a death accepting the present.
i don't know why i am here.
so much is the chaos i can't see
like big waves crashing in the sea.
loud thunders are deafening lightnings are frightening.
i'm shaking and i want to shout.
my soul is confused and i am broken.
someone please help me and take me out from this mess.
i need someone to cover me up.
someone who can take me as iam.
someone to stand beside me
for me to see i'm never lonely
before i vanish from this reality.

Lesson 13:FORBIDDEN FEELING

Love has given me plenty of lessons from the very beginning.Yet, those things remain unlearned. I've not changed. I've not learned from my past. I've always believed that love conquers the impossible. In the end, I got nothing but impossibility.


I've been through a lot with love. I was then very strong to fight back when I feel like falling into love's dangerous pit. I may be poisoned from time to time, yet, I still have the courage to survive from its allure and throw ino trash the feeling that shouldn't be felt at all!

I am numb but somehow I am conscious when it comes to loving. I'm used to being alone but still there's emptiness inside that must be filled with security and acceptance. This is what i get out of being human: strong physically but emotionally weak.

I'm so sick of love but there are alternatives to cure the ailment. Most of the time I choose not to love because all I get are bruisses and wounds, confusion, goodbyes, and memories that just can't be forgotten. those that keep me awake in the middle of the night and make me unable to sleep. Some circumstances that are just to heavy for me too carry.

I feared of loving because it appears to me that it is always I who love. Love for me is one-sided; ofentimes, love for me is a dream that takes me into something unnatural and with just a snap would turn me back into a hurtful reality.

There came a time when I thought mutual love was with meThe one that I've been searching for! I was made to believe it's real! I fought back. I denied it but I fell. I was inspired, joyful, feeling lucky and excited for the indescribable feeling. Suddenly, I was saddened with pain when I found out that time is running out for that love to be fulfilled. Love has tricked me once again. I lose and I was lost. I never want to cry though my heart was crumpled to pieces everytime my brain tells me it is goodbye.

At first, I thought of not letting go. Life on earth is a come and go process. You get to meet and love someone who will leave you in the end. this is a very painful process one must accept.

What I felt was indeed wonderful, yet painful and forbidden. Slowly I'm trying to realize that we should forget what is wrong and live for what is right. this is a new leson I've learned as I let love control me. I loved alone and I bore the burden alone.

There are still a lot to come for me. I wonder if I will respond or act similarly or differently. I'm tired of dreaming and loving and hurting and leaving. I guess I would never have enough of it as long as I'm living. I should learn not to commit the same mistake again. I should find a way to free my chains from love's slavery. I deserve more than this forbidden love...there's got to be more than this.

im feeling better now....

my day's been so gloomy before..i was wishing for something impossible that i failed to see i am creating my own problem..i was sitting and dreaming for something wonderful to happen though i know the fact that it'll never be realized..

iv been fooled by the light of darkness...i believed the existence of the the nonexistence..it was a lie..yet my heart felt like it was real..my head asked me to go away..to let the feeling die..but my heart insisted on staying.

i asked a lot of persons on who to choose "the person who loves me or the the one i love who doesn't love me and will never ever love me!". most of the answers that i received was to follow my heart..i did but it was really difficult...i was so restless and in pain.,i guess i made a wrong decision.

i tried contemplating on the situation.it was the first time that iv felt this feeling..so i encountered a lot of confusion..i followed my heart but i was wrong...it was indeed a very good feeling but at the same time it's wrong..very trashy ...very impossible.

to love someone is not a mistake but to love the wrong person was the greatest mistake ive ever made...

as for the two choices..i will not choose any...i choose to live my life in a rational way..i decided to live a life on the right path..and that means facing reality...

i just found out i've been dealing with this pain for such a long time now...and i have to let it go..thay said that it is better to hold pain in our hands so that we could let it go.. i did that and it helped me a lot..i opened my hand and let it escape..

i'm feeling okay now...not in pain but still weak..i'm still trying to recover the pieces that ive lost but im no longer confused..everything's clear now..ive learned a lot..i hope this will never happen again.

i wanna thank those who helped me see what's real.. i never thought that it would be very easy for me to deal with this just by sharing the burden with someone..thank you for all of those who listened...i'm feeling better now and i'm laughing at my past.

just a thought..just a fantasy

it feels so good living in fantasy. you control everything. it's your world and your emotion.

all things fall into place..just don't wake up.

i live in a fantasy world where i am the master, the main character of the story. everybody loves me and i can have anyone i want. i live in a very colorful world. i don't have to worry about anything.

but then, it's just a FANTASY..it could never be true. i've been living my life this way and it's a bit scary. it seems like i've been eaten by the world i've created inside my head...

the world i am dreaming of is somewhat painted with colors of love and happiness and is far more unreal compared to the real world i am living, covered by dark clouds, ashes and smoke.

in my world you love me. in my world you're with me.

in reality i am alone. in reality you don't know me at all... in reality nobody loves me

think of happy thoughts... i wish Fantasy would turn out to be real.. but it's like wishing an impossible wish on a falling star =(

Who am i? Do you think you know me? Think again. You don't seem to care but I'm right in front of you. You're with me. You talk and laugh with me. But, do you think the one you're with is the real me?

Listen, I want to get so close to you, yet I'm afraid you might ignore me. This is the reason why i hid behind me the real me. I don't want to be rejected upon. I can't seem to break the walls of uncertainty which I am dwelling for such a long time. You might see I'm clean. you might say I'm good. Remember, looks can be deceiving. It isn't me. It's someone other than me. It's just a bit of my parts but half of it are mere opposites which are burried inside my life. I want everybody to see me the other way. I'm afraid they'll just criticize me if i sparkle on the dirt I am into. The dirt which will soon come out. I don't know if you'll still want to be with me if you'll smell the foul odor coming from my soul.

I know these things. I know what I am doing. I'm fooling everyone yet they don't notice it 'cause I'm playing it clean and careful. How long will I be doing this?

Almost all my life I've spent pretending, palying parts, hiding the truth. Think of it. Are you fooled by me? Or you already know my pretencious games? Don't worry, someday soon I'll fly away spreading the true colors I'm wearing.

I wish I'm the only one in this situation. I hope I'm the pretender and you the fool. But if we've been fooling each other by hiding the real us, let's wait for the perfect moment where we could shine and proclaim to world what we really are: not afraid of the light, facing the truth and revealing the real. Be with me at that moment and I'll be with you too. Let's get together and break the walls behind the real us.