BOREDOM

For some reason I’m bored. I don’t know but I suddenly felt it today. Saturday’s fine.No work. Nothing to worry and nothing to do as well. I’ve been visiting sites here and there and I was like “what am I up to?”. Geez. I totally hate being bored. I abhor doing stuff I don’t enjoy just like writing this. Oh eff, why won’t I just shut up?


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Bring on the music. Play it loud while I sleep.

WHY

Why does it have to be this way?
Why won’t you stop the games you play?
You always seem to fool me
To feed your imagination and fantasy.

Why do you laugh at me
Everytime I’m alone and gone?
Please stop hurting me
Why are you acting this way?

Why do I feel this pain?
Put yourself in my position
Come and feel my pain,
Hear my cry and heal my soul!

I’m asking you why?
Why do you have to hurt me
Whenever you say “I love you” I cry.
Why do you always have to lie?

Mirror Effect

We're oftentimes protective toward the people/things we care about. We don't want to hear bad comments about them. We may turn the other cheek when this happens but inside, we're crumpled to pieces. So what's the secret? Hush hush if you don't have nice things to say. You wouldn't want people/things you care about to be treated the same way right? This comes down to one word, RESPECT.

Penis Captivus

I’m not obsessed with this “Vaginal Lock” thingy okay but I remember reading this in FHM few months back. I checked some of my copies and I found it under the issue where Ms. Angel Locsin (May 2010) is the cover. It was discussed under the section about The Paranoiac’s Guide To Sex. Here’s the entry discussing penis captivus.


My dick-could it ever get locked in her vagina?

It could well be every philanderer’s worst fear: a woman’s pudendum doing too much muscle contraction, thereby letting out a strong, deadly grip on one’s shaft. But luckily for us, whether this is something that occurs beyond horror scribe’s mind is yet undetermined. Local tabloid news reports are scarce, if nonexistent at all, and-save for few forumers claiming it happened to someone in their neighborhood and a dubious report on weir news site Ananova.com-the Internet offers every little help. Talks of this often go way back to 1894, when medical journal reported one such incidence, but the myth-busters over at Snopes.com classify it as a hoax. Dr. Marie Victoria Cruz-Javier, a fellow at the Philippine’s Society of Obstetritics and Gynecology and a consultant at St. Luke’s Medical Center Quezon City and Global City, has never encountered a strange situation herself. “[But] there is such as ‘vaginismus’, which is a condition wherein the vagina contracts excessively during intimacy thereby not allowing entry of penis,” she says. “However, it does not really ‘captivate’ the penis. Most often, the sexual act is not accomplished due to the woman’s pain and anxiety.”



There you go. So it’s very unlikely that it happened to Shaina and John Lloyd! Gossip mongers will always have bad things to say eh? Don’t get me wrong though, the term “vaginal lock” seems epic to me.

Giving Hope

Little child what are you going to do
When all the walls come crashing unto you?
Fear will soon arise and tears will fall.
You will not make it alone after all.

Feel your heart it’s aching
Watch for your soul that’s breaking.
Everything seems broken.
Little child do you want to escape?

Is it safe to run or hide?
Which of which is the right side?
You ask yourself which way to follow,
Yet there is confusion that brings all the sorrow.

Look for the light in the darkness.
Search yourself and let it glow.
You will make it. Just let your tears flow
And the sun will be given to you.

Never fear where you might be
For as long as I am here you’re free.
Think of me and there will be a lot of way.
Little child there's always a better day.

Maya-Maya Ibonie

Earlier was another normal shift. Busy chit-chat is what you’ll hear on the floor from agents delivering their spiels. For me it was a very lazy day for I was sleepy that I had to take a nap every ten minutes or so. I kept on waiting for the slow running clock to tell me it’s time for lunch so that i could move my ass out of my desk.

And so it’s been a tradition for me to accompany my friend downstairs to wait for her dad. She’s starting to drive so I have to watch her everyday. I don’t know why I have to but my day wouldn’t be complete without doing it.

We were talking at the taxi stand when my friend suddenly saw a bird fell from the sky. We’ve no idea how it happened. I rushed myself to the struggling bird. I picked it up and I felt her pain. It seemed like she’s (I don’t want to use “it” because the bird is very pretty that’s why I’ll use the pronoun “she” for it signifies beauty) got a broken feet. I tried to calm her down and I started to caress her feathers. I didn’t want to let go of her until I know that she’s fine. So our next problem was to find a way to keep the bird. I can’t bring her inside for the guards will surely haunt me. I can’t just leave her under the bushes because it’s not safe. My friend can’t carry her home as well because she has six cats. “Tweety’s not safe with just one cat and I have six!” is what she said so I did not insist and, she needed to drive the car.

I was hungry because I did not take my lunch yet but I didn’t want to leave her. I was lucky that another friend of mine whose house was just five minutes ride away from my place without any hesitation took charge of the bird. So I went back to the office to eat my lunch and sleep work again.

All that I waited for was for the clock to strike ten. I have made a lot of plans for her. In fact, I already thought of a place where she could stay. I named her Maya-maya Ibonie. I planned of not putting her on a cage because I don’t have the intention of keeping her forever. When she gets well, I’m ready to let her go and she’s free-like love. If we can’t hold a person any longer and that person wants to leave, then we don’t have the right to stop him/her. It may sound very easy but you’ll die doing it.

At ten o’clock, I stormed out of the office and did not join the audition for the company dance troupe. I was near like running already. I was about to text my friend that I’m on my way to get the bird when I received a message. It said, “lumipad na si birdie dun sa my mini-stop”. I paused for awhile trying to absorb what I’ve just read. I guess that was fine. It’s better that way. It’s better that I’m not yet attached to her. Still, it would’ve been better if I took care of her and watched her fly away.

Letting go is never easy. What happened today proved that it’s inescapable not to lose what we have. The bird could’ve been my pet but for few minutes I lost her.

We have a lot of “could’ve beens” in our lives that we wish would’ve flown away before they’ve taken a part of us. It’s not easy to see someone fly away. I’m just thankful that for once, I did not witness being left behind.

Certainty

Tell a child not to cry.
Ask the birds not to fly.
That’s what they’re ought to be
They were born to be that way.

No one can stop day and night.
No one can stay away from love at first sight.
One thing is certain,
Everything is uncertain.

Child cries and birds fly.
Love at first sight hit my eye.
This feeling is certain and true.
No one can stop me from loving you.

Pop-parazzi

Pop music nowadays is more on fashion, showing skin, repetitive lyrics and melody, and the most deviant of all that catches the attention of the public wins. It’s not a battle. It’s not about who the best is or who sells more record. It’s about hitting the airwaves with sound and message that can inspire and bring people together.

Where’s pop music now? It’s in Katy Perry’s cotton candy world shouting about the first time she was devirginized during her teenage years, Lady Gaga’s outrageous outfits and Taylor Swift’s pretty face and vulnerable voice.

I miss the days where we would quote a certain line from a song and write it on a piece of paper.  Songs from Kavana, Samantha Cole, Anggun and other pop artists in the 90s are those that you would never get tired of hearing and would sometimes bring back memories from the past-childhood experiences, first crush, first broken heart, etc. Songs that don’t grow old

Open your player and pump the volume of that song from Code Red or groove to the beat of *Nsync’s “Bye Bye Bye”. Those were the days where boybands flooded the market and silly you if you don’t admit that you’ve been a fan of one of those popular groups. How many of you made “Sometimes” by Britney Spears their summer theme? Or made fun of 98 Degrees’ baggy pants in “Invisible Man”? Ah nostalgia! But seriously, songs at present can never compete with the rich and meaningful lyrics of these songs. There’s vulgarity in most lyrics and would often talk about partying, having sex, lusting over a boy or a girl, cheating a lover-a good mirror of what our society has become.

Will pop music be stuck forever in Lady Gaga’s never-ending chant of rah-rah-rah-ah-ah accompanied by Alexander McQueen’s designs? Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy her songs. Who would not anyway? But after listening to the songs you would oftentimes wonder what she was talking about.

So I ask you Christina Aguilera to go back to your old self and stop yelling “bitch” in every song. I like your new album but I’m not that contented with it. I was anticipating something more artistic than Back to Basics. We know you’re better than that. I love you.

I wish people would realize that it’s not always about the sound but the content of the song. Until a good pop record comes out, I will forever be a fan of the pop music I grew up with-might as well torture my ear with some David Archuleta or Disney artists before Miley Cyrus transformed into a bird.  

Is Love Not Lovely?

What can you say about love?

This was the question asked by a classmate during college. I answered the question with:

“Love? I don’t believe in love. At first I did but now I’ve seen what it really is. Love don’t exist but lust does. Lust which destroys the soul. Love is only a word. A world full of wonders and sorrows. It’s easy to believe everything when you’re blinded by its existence. Now I’ve found out love in it’s true perspective. It’s only made up of letters that could trick the reader and fool the hearer. Love exists in the mind. It’s nothing but a dream and a physical thing made complicated by everyone involved to make it quite exciting!”

Forgive me. Whoever said this six years ago didn’t know what he was saying. If I could go back, I’d kill him myself. Such a crappy thought because love is present. It is here and we experience it everyday. It’s a gift that God has given us.

I don’t remember why I was so negative when it comes to love before. Maybe because I was single and I still am but that shouldn’t be the case because loving does not exists only in couples. It’s a feeling present for all humanity. A feeling of togetherness and respect for one another that sustain us to live. We might feel hatred, pain and other negative feelings because of it but these are challenges that make it strong and true.

So if the person I was before is in front of me right now, I would tell him this: “You will never exist in this world if your mother and father did not love each other and if they didn’t love you!”.

Whew! I’m so glad I’m over with that impression. Let love come in and let it overflow.

Beautiful Day

The day is bright and sunny.
I am wandering in the field of green.
The wind blow my face away.
I suddenly grin. I feel clean.

I prone beneath the clouds of hay;
Head lazy, steady and calm.
Birds are chirping all day,
While waiting for the night to come.

My feeling is strong and true.
I’m never scared because I’m free!
I’m happy, never blue.
I love this beautiful day!

The Secret Goodbye

It’s been months since the last time I saw you. It’s been months that I’ve been longing to see you again. I know it isn’t fair and it hurts because i don’t know what you really feel.

I admit that I fell so deep but from where I’ve fallen, I tried very hard to rise again. It was a difficult task-an impossible task that I’ve set myself to achieve. On the other hand, I am proud to tell you that I am succeeding. I’m on my way to overcoming the feeling that was wrong from the very beginning.

I find it amusing when I think about those days that I was so into you. The “I like you” days as how I put it. I thought I like you that much and you thought that I do. Yet, I was wrong and you were wrong too. I have a feeling that I was just confused during the days we’re together. It was a company that I never had before and when I look back on how I acted those days I feel ashamed with myself. Knowing you is a big mistake and a big lie! You’re unworthy to be loved. Loving you means losing myself and I will not let it happen.

What we had (though we did not have anything) empowered me. You never told me your side of story. Whatever your intentions were, I assumed that I was your victim and now I’m putting an end to everything. It would be better if i would just stay away from you. To forget you and the past is what I need to do. That would really help.

This might be the last time that I’ll think and write about you that’s why before I erase you in my memory, I want to thank you for touching my heart. You may not know that you did but still, I thank you.

Maybe I should start hating you now but that would be unfair for you’ve been so nice to me. Hating you might fit though ‘cause you did not reciprocate what I felt. So, I hate you because I loved you and I should be more hateful for that!

Whatchawant?

“It messed me up, need a second to breathe. Just keep coming around. Hey, whataya want from me?”

This line should be engraved in my brain. I may have thought of keeping myself away from you but it seems that I can’t. I am in need of attention and that’s for sure. I want someone to check me out every once in awhile and tell me stories I've never heard before. I just want somebody period.

You can’t be hypnotizing simply because you’re not. But why do I keep letting you in? Maybe because no one stays but you. And that's why I'm wondering, what do you really want from me?

LOVE R.I.P.

Don't you know that I almost got stuck on you? Yeah almost! I enjoyed the chase and every conversation that we had. I thought I love you and I was praying that you'll feel the same for me. I was so hopelessly dreaming that one day, it'll be us.

There were times that I miss you. There were times that I got mad because you didn't have time for me. I was acting like I own you and you own me though it's not that way. I didn't know where we're headed to. I loved the feeling that somehow, someone's there for me. You made me feel appreciated.

However, what I felt was short-lived. I admit that you inspired me. You made me smile. I was happy but then realization hit me in the head. I prayed for this not to come but it's inevitable. How did I figure this out? It's more of a personal reason. Not that my self-righteousness did it again but I'm just too good for you. You got a hold on me no more.

Now, I can keep my feelings in a box and bury it six feet below the ground. I'm happy to redeem myself!